|
The Hall of Heaves
|
Stations spend so much time and effort deciding what to play, wasting their money on fat, middle-aged consultants whose idea of sophisticated musical expression is Van Halen. Too bad they don't invest as much effort into consciously deciding what not to play. Listed here is the kind of stuff that sabotages ratings by making the more intelligent listeners turn to other stations, as just one John Cougar, Collective Soul, or Third Eye Blind song can ruin a whole hour of otherwise stimulating programming.
If there's a common thread running through these performers, it's that besides being boring, their commercial success is due more to gimmickry, heavy marketing, crafty P.R. and trendiness rather than inherent quality (isn't that right, Hootie?) giving us that "So what?" feeling when we hear them. Besides that, they generally pander to those of lower intelligence, and stations that play this stuff can't figure out why their remaining listeners are morons.
Stations might do well to calculate how many listeners they lose when they play two, three, or four lightweights in a row. Is it 10%, 20%, or more? And how long does it take these listeners to come back? An hour, a day, a week, or even longer? There aren't many deejays left who remember how grateful their listeners can feel when you play four or five great songs in a row without corporate deadbeats like Soul Asylum, The Gin Blossoms or The Verve Pipe thrown in.
For a variety of reasons, most stations have locked themselves into a format that's infested with lightweights. Their only option might be to make sure every other song they play is from the all-time-great list, since these songs would act as anchors to help prevent the more-intelligent listeners from drifting away. This is a zapper culture we live in, as we all know.
There are thousands of lightweights of course, but here are the most irritating ones. The list helps demonstrate the iron-fisted control the music industry, which despises performers who think for themselves, has grabbed over radio playlists -- including many college radio stations -- in the last several years.
Consider each song on this list a ratings saboteur . . . . . . .
|
The 1390 Cheesiest Songs of the Rock Era |
|
"Artist" |
"Song" |
Genre |
|
ABBA |
Waterloo |
'Alternative', says SPIN |
|
Gregory Abbotts |
Shake You Down |
John Gotti Complex |
|
Paula Abdul |
Blowing Kisses in the Wind |
...and spreading disease |
|
|
Cold Hearted (Snake) |
Snake oil, musical equivalent |
|
|
Forever Your Girl |
Herpes is forever, too |
|
|
Opposites Attract |
Stick to Cheerleading |
|
Sheryl Crow for the 80's |
The Promise of a New Day |
Robert-Schuller Pop |
|
|
Rush, Rush |
Attempt at Significance |
|
A career enhanced by |
Straight Up |
. . . the ass |
|
a closed U.S. market. |
The Way That You Love Me |
Pre-Imbruglia |
|
|
Will You Marry Me? |
Will you lose 30 pounds? |
|
Accept |
Balls to the Wall |
Humping the mousehole? |
|
AC~DC |
Big Balls |
UPS Driver, in His Dreams |
|
Ace |
How Long (Has this Been Going On) |
The Senate, to Monica |
|
Ace of Base |
All That She Wants |
...is a training bra |
|
|
The Sign |
Susie's 6th-Grade Sleepover |
|
Bryan Adams |
Cuts Like a Knife |
Master of Metaphor |
|
|
Everything I Do, I Do for You |
Then retire already |
|
* 7th Biggest Dog Ever |
Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman |
Soft-rock lapdog |
|
|
Heaven |
...won't let you in |
|
Let's hand it to |
Let's Make a Night to Remember |
Now Monica wants Hillary |
|
Canada for giving us |
Lonely Nights |
Soft-Rock Valium |
|
Alanis Morissette, |
The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You |
Bill, to Monica |
|
Anne Murray, |
Rescue Me (Horrible stuff) |
...from Soft-Rock 93? |
|
and Bryan Adams. |
Somebody |
Corporate Yes-Man |
|
|
Straight from the Heart |
..and straight up the ass |
|
|
Summer of '69 |
Revoke his passport |
|
|
This Time |
A Case for Deportation |
|
|
(I Wanna Be) Your Underwear |
This dude needs a shrink |
|
Aerosmith |
Angel |
Blown Away by the Brits |
|
|
Big 10-Inch Record |
Attempt at Risque Humor |
|
A good case for a |
Crazy |
Flatulata Americana |
|
mandatory retirement age. |
Dude (Looks Like a Lady) |
Cub Scouts Sing It |
|
|
Falling In Love (Is Hard on the Knees ) |
15 years behind the times |
|
|
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing |
Soundtrack Sluts |
|
Apparently incapable |
Hole in My Soul |
Musical equivalent of 'roids |
|
of handling |
Living on the Edge |
...of Social Security |
|
intelligent themes. |
Lord of the Thighs |
Dirty Old Men |
|
|
Love in an Elevator |
Too old for the steps? |
|
|
Rag Doll |
Wrinkle Rock |
|
|
Same Old Song and Dance |
Well Put |
|
Afghan Whigs |
Honky's Ladder |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
|
The Afternoon Delights |
General Hospi-tale |
Rap Run Amok |
|
Clay Aiken |
Invisible |
. . . so's your relevance |
|
Air Supply |
All Out of Love |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
|
Even the Nights are Better |
Tipper, if Al's got a Stiffy |
|
|
Here I Am |
Barf Bag (Super-Size It!) |
|
|
Lost in Love |
Pee Wee, at Boys Town |
|
|
Making Love Out of Nothing At All |
Oprah in Heat |
|
|
Without You |
Chia-Pet Concerto |
|
Morris Albert |
Feelings |
Opiate of the Masses |
|
Alias |
More Than Words Can Say |
Can You Say 'Wimp'? |
|
Alice in Chains |
Man in the Box |
Malice in Chains |
|
All for One |
I Swear |
..I don't get stiffies |
|
Herb Alpert |
This Guy's In Love With You |
Burned Out, But Herb's Cool |
|
Ambrosia |
How Much I Feel |
Pee Wee at the Movies |
|
|
You're the Biggest Part of Me |
Bill, to 'Little Bill' |
|
|
You're the Only Woman |
What Bill told Monica; |
|
America |
Horse With No Name |
Horse Manure |
|
|
I Need You |
You Need Nads |
|
|
Lonely People |
Soccer-mom with no minivan |
|
|
Sister Golden Hair |
Pre-Duncan Sheik |
|
|
Tin Man |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
|
Ventura Highway |
As bad as the Eagles |
|
|
You Can Do Magic |
Tipper, to her shower massage |
|
Tori Amos |
God (Before writing ornate verse, please master a simple sentence.) |
Dylan Wanna-Be / |
|
The Angels |
My Boyfriend's Back |
..from chainsaw-repair school |
|
Paul Anka |
The Teen Commandments |
Pre-Jerry Falwell |
|
|
The Times of Your Life |
Kodak-Heaves (Dry) |
|
|
You Are My Destiny |
...the Podunk Holiday Inn? |
|
|
You're Having My Baby |
Frontal-Lobotomy Pop |
|
Fiona Snapple |
Sleep to Dream |
Exciting as Mondale |
|
April Wine |
Just Between You and Me |
For Vo-Tech Dropouts |
|
The Archies |
Jingle Jangle |
Pre-Puberty |
|
|
Sugar Sugar |
Pre-Verve Pipe |
|
Asia |
Heat of the Moment |
Attempt at Rock |
|
|
Only Time Will Tell |
Attempt at Rock |
|
The Association |
Cherish |
Valium for the Brain-Dead |
|
Rick Astley |
Cry for Help |
Rick Ghastly |
|
|
Giving Up On Love |
Pee Wee with broken hand |
|
|
Never Gonna Give You Up |
...nor get it up |
|
|
She Wants to Dance With Me |
Cucumber in your pants? |
|
|
Together Forever |
Forgotten forever |
|
Atlanta Rhythm Section |
Imaginary Lover |
Pee Wee, to your hand |
|
|
So Into You |
Bill, to Monica's tonsils |
|
Atlantic Starr |
Always |
Check for Nads |
|
|
Masterpiece |
Chia-Pet Concerto |
|
|
Secret Lovers |
Hillary and Tipper? |
|
Patti Austin |
Baby Come to Me |
Tipper Spots the Stiffy J |
|
Frankie Avalon |
Venus |
Pre-Manilow Wuss-Pop |
|
The B-52's |
Good Stuff |
Time for a Vacation |
|
Stevie B |
Because I Love You |
Get a Last Name, You Wimp |
|
Bachman Turner Overdrive |
Ain't Seen Nothing Yet |
We've Seen Enough |
|
|
Let It Ride |
Bachman Turner Overplayed |
|
|
Looking Out for #1 |
Bachman Turner Overweight |
|
|
Roll on Down the Highway |
We got us a convoy!!! |
|
|
Taking Care of Business |
Redneck Rumble |
|
Bad Company |
Bad Company |
Sung at the Forklift Academy |
|
* 8th Biggest Dogs Ever |
Burning Sky |
Attempt at Rock |
|
|
Can't Get Enough |
1 more Meisterbrau, please |
|
|
Feel Like Makin' Love |
Fat Postal Clerk w/ a Stiffy |
|
|
Good Lovin' Gone Bad |
Wakin' up to Oprah |
|
Power-Chord Overkill |
Movin' On |
Pre-David Lee Roth |
|
|
One Night |
Forklift driver, in his dreams |
|
|
Ready for Love |
Ready for Retirement? |
|
|
Rock & Roll Fantasy |
Rock & Roll Roids |
|
|
Rock Steady |
With My New Bowling Bag |
|
|
Run With the Pack |
UPS Driver on Acid |
|
|
Shooting Star |
Attempt at Meaningful Lyrics |
|
Bad English |
When I See You Smile |
For Soft-Rock Wimps |
|
Joan Baez |
Diamonds & Rust |
Almost as boring and pretentious as Bob Dylan |
|
Marty Balin |
Hearts |
Jefferson Wheelchair |
|
Barnes & Barnes |
Fish Heads |
Smells Like Oprah |
|
Basia |
New Day for You |
Billy Graham complex |
|
Toni Basil |
Mickey |
Stick to Cheerleading |
|
Bay City Rollers |
Saturday Night |
Spice Boys from Hell |
|
Beach Boys |
Kokomo |
Where You Belong |
|
Beastie Boys |
Brass Monkey |
Ape shit |
|
|
Cookie Puss |
New Kids with a schtick |
|
|
No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn |
Nouveau Gauche |
|
|
Paul Revere |
Horse-shit |
|
|
Sabotage |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
|
|
So What'cha Want |
Frat Boys From Hell |
|
Beck |
Loser |
Mall Rat Caught Shoplifting |
|
|
Where It's At |
Viacom-munism |
|
Bee Gees |
Jive Talking |
Leisure Suit (With Sequins) |
|
|
Nights on Broadway |
Smells Like Travolta |
|
Bellamy Brothers |
Let Your Love Flow |
Monica to Bill, at that strategic moment |
|
The Bells |
Stay Awhile |
Musical Wedgie |
|
Pat Benatar |
Fire and Ice |
Queen of Overdramatization |
|
|
Heartbreaker |
Attempt at Rock |
|
|
Hell is for Children |
Hell is 'Soft Rock 93' |
|
|
Hit Me With Your Best Shot |
Monica, to Bill |
|
|
Invincible |
Steel-Plated Forklift |
|
|
Shadows of the Night |
Grew up Near Buttafuoco |
|
George Benson |
Give Me the Night |
Bill Clinton With a Stiffy |
|
|
Turn Your Love Around |
Turn the sheep around |
|
Chuck Berry |
My Ding-a-Ling |
...might get me impeached |
|
Elvin Bishop |
Fooled Around and Fell in Love |
Pee Wee, to his right hand |
|
Stephen Bishop |
It Might Be You |
Too Many Bishops |
|
The Blackbirds |
Walking in Rhythm |
Attempt at Soul |
|
Black Crowes |
Blackberry |
Confederate-Isolationism |
|
|
Hard to Handle |
The way Pee Wee likes it |
|
|
Remedy |
Yours is retirement |
|
Black Eyed Peas |
My Humps |
Hot stuff...at Walmart |
|
Blind Melon |
No Rain |
No Talent |
|
Blink 182 |
All the Small Things |
Punk poseurs |
|
|
Dammit |
Literary giants |
|
Bobby Bloom |
Montego Bay |
Al Bundy on Vacation |
|
Blotto |
I Wanna Be a Lifeguard |
Mega-horrendous |
|
Blue Swede |
Hooked on a Feeling |
Oogachaka, oogachaka |
|
Blues Traveler |
Hook |
Give that man another donut |
|
The BoDeans |
Closer to Free |
30&40-Something/VH1-Fodder Clueless Post-80's Regression |
|
Michael Bolton |
Can I Touch You There? |
Just do it, wuss-boy |
|
|
Dock of the Bay |
Covered once too often |
|
|
Georgia on My Mind |
Royalties on your mind? |
|
|
How Am I Supposed to Live Without You? |
Pee Wee in Handcuffs |
|
|
How Can We Be Lovers (If We Can't Be Friends?) |
What's with the long titles? / |
|
Is this what they make |
Love is a Wonderful Thing |
So is Integrity |
|
you listen to in hell? |
To Love Somebody |
Amorous Piggy, Lucky Kermit |
|
|
When a Man Loves a Woman |
Kermit With a Green Stiffy |
|
|
When I'm Back on My Feet Again |
(Wow, is this bad.) |
|
Tracy Bonham |
Mother Mother |
'Alternative', says MTV |
|
Bon Jovi |
Bad Medicine |
Weekend in Newark |
|
|
Born to Be My Baby |
Flatulata Americana |
|
More fun than Bon Ami |
I'll Be There For You |
. . . at the Tag-Team match |
|
|
Lay Your Hands on Me |
. . . and get VD |
|
|
Living in Sin |
Living on Payola |
|
|
Lost Highway |
Bon Cougar Mellencamp |
|
|
Livin' On a Prayer |
& workin' on a forklift |
|
More fun than 'Roids |
Runaway |
Is that a promise? |
|
|
Wanted Dead or Alive |
Preferably Dead |
|
|
You Give Love a Bad Name |
Obliterated by the Brits |
|
Jon Bon Jovi |
Midnight in Chelsea |
Beating a Dead Horse |
|
Daniel Boone |
Beautiful Sunday |
Trailblazer My Ass |
|
Debbie Boone |
You Light Up My Life |
Ruined more than 1 wedding |
|
Pat Boone |
Crazy Train |
'Tribute' to Ozzy |
|
|
Enter Sandman |
Competition for Metallica |
|
|
Tutti Frutti |
Too many Boones |
|
Boston |
Amanda |
Classic rock? Classic crock |
|
|
Let Me Take You Home Tonight |
..we'll watch WWF videos |
|
|
More Than a Feeling |
Hands in your pockets? |
|
|
Peace of Mind |
A Decade Behind the Times |
|
|
Rock and Roll Band |
Forklift Fandango |
|
Boys Like Girls |
The Great Escape ('06) |
Dysfunctional kata |
|
Boyz II Men |
I'll Make Love to You |
Boy-band baggage |
|
The Brady Bunch |
Time to Change |
Pre-Puberty / Pre-Hanson |
|
Laura Branigan |
Gloria |
Bore-ia |
|
|
How Am I Supposed to Live Without You? |
Covered-by-Bolton / |
|
|
Self Control |
Self-Abuse |
|
Bread |
Aubrey |
Granola-Bar Soft-Rock |
|
|
Baby I'm a Want You |
Attempt at a Clever Title |
|
|
Diary |
Era of the Sensitive Male |
|
|
If |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
|
It Don't Matter to Me |
Nor to us, for that matter |
|
|
Make It With You |
Total Wuss, Rhymes w/ Puss |
|
Walter Brennan |
Old Rivers ('62) |
Pre-Cougar |
|
Brewer and Shipley |
One Toke Over the Line |
Granola-Bar Pop |
|
Edie Brickel & the New Bohemians |
What I Am |
1/2-Ass Attempt at Significance |
|
Meredith Brooks |
Bitch |
Kitsch |
|
Brotherhood of Man |
United We Stand |
'Cuz you got 'roids? |
|
Jackson Browne |
Doctor My Eyes |
Lyricist My Ass |
|
Among Top 5 Dogs |
For a Rocker |
How would you know? |
|
All his songs are the |
Here Come Those Tears Again |
Listening to your own stuff? |
|
same, with slight |
Lawyers in Love |
Most insipid song ever? |
|
variations. |
Load Out / Stay |
Hyper-Pretentious PSR |
|
Perhaps no other |
Looking East |
You've gone south |
|
performer has done |
On the Boulevard |
Bush-League Bore |
|
more damage to the |
The Pretender |
Self-Reflection? |
|
credibility of classic rock |
Redneck Friend |
Ode to John Cougar? |
|
than this wanker. |
Rock Me on the Water |
What the hell does that mean? |
|
|
Running on Empty |
Rigged-Market Rumba |
|
|
Somebody's Baby |
Better than Sleeping Pills |
|
|
Tender is the Night |
King of the Wussies |
|
|
That Girl Could Sing |
. . . Better Than You |
|
|
You Love the Thunder |
Retired 20 years too late |
|
Brownsville Station |
Smokin' in the Boys Room |
Pre-Winger |
|
Peabo Bryson |
By the Time This Night is Over |
Tipper Wants It |
|
Buckner & Garcia |
Pac Man Fever |
Two-bit cash-in |
|
Rocky Burnette |
I'm Tired of Towing the Line |
Probably Related to Carol |
|
Bush |
Come Down |
Glue Sniffer / AMA / MTV |
|
|
Everything Zen |
Everything Playskool |
|
|
Glycerine |
Diaper-Rash Rock |
|
Buzz Hungry |
Anyone |
'Alternative,' says MTV |
|
John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band |
On the Dark Side |
Cheezy Springsteen Imitation |
|
Glen Campbell |
Rhinestone Cowboy |
Billy Jack in New York |
|
Candlebox |
Far Behind |
Rookie Forklift Driver |
|
Captain & Toenail |
Do It To Me One More Time |
Nympho or something? |
|
|
Love Will Keep Us Together |
So will 'Love Boat' reruns |
|
|
Muskrat Love |
Hillary & Bill in the Woods |
|
Irene Cara |
What a Feeling |
Pee Wee in the bathtub |
|
Belinda Carlisle |
Circle in the Sand |
Soft-Rock-by-Numbers |
|
|
Heaven is a Place on Earth |
Heaven is fen-phen |
|
|
I Get Weak |
Related to Bob? |
|
Bob Carlisle |
Butterfly Kisses |
In the Worst 100 Ever |
|
Eric Carmen |
All By Myself |
Good enough for Pee Wee |
|
|
Hungry Eyes |
1/2-Ass Movie Tie-In |
|
|
Make Me Lose Control |
Tipper to her shower massage |
|
Kim Carnes |
Bette Davis Eyes |
One-Hit Blunder |
|
The Carpenters |
Close to You |
Pollyanna |
|
(Yes, Karen did |
Mr. Postman |
Sedaka |
|
have talent) |
Sing |
Schwing |
|
|
(I'm On) Top of the World |
Sedaka Porks Pollyanna |
|
|
We've Only Just Begun |
Tipper puts the batteries in |
|
Paul Carrack |
Don't Shed a Tear |
Get some cajones |
|
Jim Carrol Band |
People Who Died |
Don't Give up the Day Job |
|
Johnny Cash |
A Boy Named Sue |
Attempt at Humor |
|
Peter Cetera |
The Glory of Love |
Soft-Rock Valium |
|
Chairman of the Board |
Give Me Just a Little More Time |
When Al can't get it up |
|
Harry Chapin |
Cat's in the Cradle |
Attempt at Significance |
|
|
30,000 Pounds of Bananas |
Don't quit your day job |
|
Charlene |
I've Never Been to Me |
Is your hand broken? |
|
Cher |
Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves |
Sodom & Gomorrah |
|
|
Half Breed |
Half Ass |
|
|
If I Could Turn Back Time |
. . . . I'd Never Marry Sonny |
|
|
I've Found Someone |
Probably 20 Years Your Junior |
|
Neneh Cherry |
Buffalo Stance |
Amy Grant with an attitude |
|
Chic |
Good Times |
Coke-Head Pop |
|
Chicago |
Baby What a Big Surprise |
Wakin' up to RuPaul |
|
|
Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is? |
Time for retirement |
|
|
Hard Habit to Break |
Musical Masturbation |
|
Placebo Pop: |
If She Would Have Been Faithful |
Maybe she wanted nads |
|
Upon closer inspection, |
Inspiration |
Theirs must be VH1 |
|
nothing's there. |
Look Away |
Soft-Rock Hall of Heaves / |
|
|
Old Days |
Smells Like Kate Smith |
|
|
Saturday in the Park |
Regresso-Rock |
|
|
Stay the Night |
Hilary to Monica? |
|
|
25 or 6 to 4 |
Attempt at Sophistication |
|
Jane Child |
Don't Wanna Fall in Love |
With powdery substances? |
|
Ciccone Youth |
Addicted to Love ('88) |
(Sonic-but-Boring Youth) |
|
Cinderella |
Don't Know What You Got 'Til It's Gone |
Poodle Rock |
|
|
Gypsy Road |
Smells like Cher |
|
Eric Clapton |
Wonderful Tonight |
Call it a day, Eric |
|
The Classics Four |
Every Day With You, Girl |
Happy 60's |
|
Climax |
Precious and Few |
..were good 70's songs |
|
Climax Blues Band |
Couldn't Get It Right |
You Said It |
|
Tom Cochrane |
Life is a Highway |
Master of Metaphor |
|
Joe Cocker |
You Can Leave Your Hat On |
Washed-Up Wanker |
|
Marc Cohn |
Walking in Memphis |
Pseudo roots-rock |
|
Paula Cole |
I Don't Want to Wait |
Flavor of the Month / |
|
Collective Soul |
December |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
|
|
Gel |
Post-80's Regression |
|
|
Hollywood |
Collective sell-outs |
|
Skynyrd for the 90's |
Precious Declaration |
Almost a 'Worst 100' |
|
|
Shine |
Cosmo Kramer, Assman |
|
Isolationist Rock |
Where the River Flows |
More 70's Southern Rock |
|
|
The World I Know |
Redneck-O-Rama |
|
Phil Collins |
Sussudio |
Phil Knows Better |
|
Color Me Badd |
I Wanna Sex You Up |
Smells like Prince |
|
Shawn Colvin |
You and the Mona Lisa |
Clueless-VH1-Soccer-Mom |
|
Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen |
Hot Rod Lincoln |
Green Teeth and Red Necks & an NRA Membership Card |
|
The Commodores |
Easy |
Cheezy |
|
The Cookies |
Don't Say Nothing Bad About My Baby |
Pre-Beatles Nonsense |
|
Alice Cooper |
Elected |
Post-60's Regression |
|
|
Only Women (Bleed) |
Pre-Marilyn Manson |
|
|
School's Out |
Integrity's out |
|
Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose |
It's Too Late to Turn Back Now |
Leisure-Suit Sonata |
|
Chris Cornell |
You Know My Name |
Soundgarden lackey |
|
John Cougar |
The Authority Song |
Yee-Haw, Bobbie Lee!! |
|
The epitome of |
Check It Out |
Pre-Matchbox 20, hay-yupp! |
|
affirmative action for |
Cherry Bomb |
Pass the Skoal, Billie Sue! |
|
confederate pop. |
Crumblin' Down |
Flatulata Indiana |
|
In a free and open |
Hurts So Good |
More Fun than Fertilizer |
|
market, one based |
I Need a Lover |
..& a new wad of chew |
|
upon integrity & quality, |
Jack & Dianne |
Rigged-Market Rumba |
|
Joy Division would be |
Lonely Old Night |
No problem, call Pee Wee |
|
a household |
Our Country |
Kindergarten-level patriotism |
|
name and |
Paper and Fire |
Green-Acres Pop |
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little Johnny Cougar |
Pink Houses |
Walmart Radio Network |
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would still be |
Pop Singer |
...by Indiana standards |
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milking cows |
R.O.C.K. in the USA |
S.U.C.K. in the USA |
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back in Indiana. |
Small Town |
Pass the Grits, Billy Jack! |
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This Time |
Musical aspartame |
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America has been had. |
Wild Night |
Boxcar Willie in Heat |
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Counting Crows |
Mr. Jones |
Fodder for Letterman Show |
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'Round Here |
Post-80's Regression |
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Coven |
One Tin Soldier: Legend of Billy Jack |
Pre-Cougar / Pass the Beans |
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The Cowsills |
Indian Lake |
Native-American Lake, to the politically-correct |
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Les Crane |
Desiderata |
Deteriorata |
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Crash Test Dummies |
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm |
Baritone from hell |
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Creed |
Higher |
Flatulata Americana |
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With Arms Wide Open |
Nominee for Worst 100 |
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Creedence Clearwater Revival |
Down on the Corner |
NRA Rock / |
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Looking Out My Back Door |
& seein' Jed & Jethro |
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Sweet Hitchhiker |
Pass the Skoal, Reba! |
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Up Around the Bend |
..is the Shady Rest, hay-yupp! |
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Jim Croce |
Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown |
Obliterated by the Brits |
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I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song |
Love Stinks |
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I've Got a Name |
...but no cajones |
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Operator |
Era of the Sensitive Male |
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Time in a Bottle |
Attempt at Significance |
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You Don't Mess Around With Jim |
Trailer-Park Tango |
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Crosby, Stills & Nash |
Just a Song Before I Go |
Just Go |
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Our House |
Pre-Bob Vila |
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Christopher Cross |
Arthur's Theme |
Soccer Mom's first 45 |
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Ride Like the Wind |
Break Like the Wind |
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Sheryl Corporate Crow |
All I Wanna Do |
Too Many Crows / Crowes |
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Paula Abdul for the 90's |
Can't Cry Anymore |
Corporate-Puppet Pop |
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D'yer Make'r |
Chia-Pet Cha Cha |
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VH1 Confederate Pop |
Everyday is a Winding Road |
VH1 "Honors" / Major Heave |
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Home |
Sheryl Cougar Mellencamp |
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If It Makes You Happy The Gavin Report called this one 'alternative.' |
Viacom-munism / |
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appears inevitable for |
Leaving Las Vegas |
Aren't they lucky! |
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this liteweight opportunist. |
Strong Enough |
...to win worthless Grammys |
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Tomorrow Never Dies |
Fortunately, pretense does |
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The Cufflinks |
Tracy |
Doris Day for the 70's |
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Cutting Crew |
Died in Your Arms |
No-Nad Nation |
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Burton Cummings |
Stand Tall |
Al Bundy in the Mirror |
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Billy Ray Cyrus |
Achy Breaky Heart |
Yee-Haw!! |
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Daddy Dewdrop |
Chick-a-Boom |
Post-60's Regression |
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Damn Yankees |
High Enough |
Forklift at Full Throttle |
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Charlie Daniels Band |
Devil Went Down to Georgia |
...and brought you back |
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This Ain't No Rag, It's a Flag |
Patriotism, Walmart style |
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Daughtry |
Over You ('07) |
Confederate Idol |
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Mac Davis |
Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me |
Goes good with Billy Beer |
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I Believe in Music |
Pre-VH1 Country Pop |
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Paul Davis |
Cool Night |
Soft-Rock Septic Tank |
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I Go Crazy |
Gonadically Challenged |
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'65 Love Affair |
For wimps, simps & gimps |
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Sammy Davis Jr. |