|
The Hall of Heaves
|
Stations spend so much time and effort deciding what to play, wasting their money on fat, middle-aged consultants whose idea of sophisticated musical expression is Van Halen. Too bad they don't invest as much effort into consciously deciding what not to play. Listed here is the kind of stuff that sabotages ratings by making the more intelligent listeners turn to other stations, as just one John Cougar, Collective Soul, or Third Eye Blind song can ruin a whole hour of otherwise stimulating programming.
If there's a common thread running through these performers, it's that besides being boring, their commercial success is due more to gimmickry, heavy marketing, crafty P.R. and trendiness rather than inherent quality (isn't that right, Hootie?) giving us that "So what?" feeling when we hear them. Besides that, they generally pander to those of lower intelligence, and stations that play this stuff can't figure out why their remaining listeners are morons.
Stations might do well to calculate how many listeners they lose when they play two, three, or four lightweights in a row. Is it 10%, 20%, or more? And how long does it take these listeners to come back? An hour, a day, a week, or even longer? There aren't many deejays left who remember how grateful their listeners can feel when you play four or five great songs in a row without corporate deadbeats like Soul Asylum, The Gin Blossoms or The Verve Pipe thrown in.
For a variety of reasons, most stations have locked themselves into a format that's infested with lightweights. Their only option might be to make sure every other song they play is from the all-time-great list, since these songs would act as anchors to help prevent the more-intelligent listeners from drifting away. This is a zapper culture we live in, as we all know.
There are thousands of lightweights of course, but here are the most irritating ones. The list helps demonstrate the iron-fisted control the music industry, which despises performers who think for themselves, has grabbed over radio playlists -- including many college radio stations -- in the last several years.
Consider each song on this list a ratings saboteur . . . . . . .
|
The 1390 Cheesiest Songs of the Rock Era |
|
"Artist" |
"Song" |
Genre |
|
ABBA |
Waterloo |
'Alternative', says SPIN |
|
Gregory Abbotts |
Shake You Down |
John Gotti Complex |
|
Paula Abdul |
Blowing Kisses in the Wind |
...and spreading disease |
|
|
Cold Hearted (Snake) |
Snake oil, musical equivalent |
|
|
Forever Your Girl |
Herpes is forever, too |
|
|
Opposites Attract |
Stick to Cheerleading |
|
Sheryl Crow for the 80's |
The Promise of a New Day |
Robert-Schuller Pop |
|
|
Rush, Rush |
Attempt at Significance |
|
A career enhanced by |
Straight Up |
. . . the ass |
|
a closed U.S. market. |
The Way That You Love Me |
Pre-Imbruglia |
|
|
Will You Marry Me? |
Will you lose 30 pounds? |
|
Accept |
Balls to the Wall |
Humping the mousehole? |
|
AC~DC |
Big Balls |
UPS Driver, in His Dreams |
|
Ace |
How Long (Has this Been Going On) |
The Senate, to Monica |
|
Ace of Base |
All That She Wants |
...is a training bra |
|
|
The Sign |
Susie's 6th-Grade Sleepover |
|
Bryan Adams |
Cuts Like a Knife |
Master of Metaphor |
|
|
Everything I Do, I Do for You |
Then retire already |
|
* 7th Biggest Dog Ever |
Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman |
Soft-rock lapdog |
|
|
Heaven |
...won't let you in |
|
Let's hand it to |
Let's Make a Night to Remember |
Now Monica wants Hillary |
|
Canada for giving us |
Lonely Nights |
Soft-Rock Valium |
|
Alanis Morissette, |
The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You |
Bill, to Monica |
|
Anne Murray, |
Rescue Me (Horrible stuff) |
...from Soft-Rock 93? |
|
and Bryan Adams. |
Somebody |
Corporate Yes-Man |
|
|
Straight from the Heart |
..and straight up the ass |
|
|
Summer of '69 |
Revoke his passport |
|
|
This Time |
A Case for Deportation |
|
|
(I Wanna Be) Your Underwear |
This dude needs a shrink |
|
Aerosmith |
Angel |
Blown Away by the Brits |
|
|
Big 10-Inch Record |
Attempt at Risque Humor |
|
A good case for a |
Crazy |
Flatulata Americana |
|
mandatory retirement age. |
Dude (Looks Like a Lady) |
Cub Scouts Sing It |
|
|
Falling In Love (Is Hard on the Knees ) |
15 years behind the times |
|
|
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing |
Soundtrack Sluts |
|
Apparently incapable |
Hole in My Soul |
Musical equivalent of 'roids |
|
of handling |
Living on the Edge |
...of Social Security |
|
intelligent themes. |
Lord of the Thighs |
Dirty Old Men |
|
|
Love in an Elevator |
Too old for the steps? |
|
|
Rag Doll |
Wrinkle Rock |
|
|
Same Old Song and Dance |
Well Put |
|
Afghan Whigs |
Honky's Ladder |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
|
The Afternoon Delights |
General Hospi-tale |
Rap Run Amok |
|
Clay Aiken |
Invisible |
. . . so's your relevance |
|
Air Supply |
All Out of Love |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
|
Even the Nights are Better |
Tipper, if Al's got a Stiffy |
|
|
Here I Am |
Barf Bag (Super-Size It!) |
|
|
Lost in Love |
Pee Wee, at Boys Town |
|
|
Making Love Out of Nothing At All |
Oprah in Heat |
|
|
Without You |
Chia-Pet Concerto |
|
Morris Albert |
Feelings |
Opiate of the Masses |
|
Alias |
More Than Words Can Say |
Can You Say 'Wimp'? |
|
Alice in Chains |
Man in the Box |
Malice in Chains |
|
All for One |
I Swear |
..I don't get stiffies |
|
Herb Alpert |
This Guy's In Love With You |
Burned Out, But Herb's Cool |
|
Ambrosia |
How Much I Feel |
Pee Wee at the Movies |
|
|
You're the Biggest Part of Me |
Bill, to 'Little Bill' |
|
|
You're the Only Woman |
What Bill told Monica; |
|
America |
Horse With No Name |
Horse Manure |
|
|
I Need You |
You Need Nads |
|
|
Lonely People |
Soccer-mom with no minivan |
|
|
Sister Golden Hair |
Pre-Duncan Sheik |
|
|
Tin Man |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
|
Ventura Highway |
As bad as the Eagles |
|
|
You Can Do Magic |
Tipper, to her shower massage |
|
Tori Amos |
God (Before writing ornate verse, please master a simple sentence.) |
Dylan Wanna-Be / |
|
The Angels |
My Boyfriend's Back |
..from chainsaw-repair school |
|
Paul Anka |
The Teen Commandments |
Pre-Jerry Falwell |
|
|
The Times of Your Life |
Kodak-Heaves (Dry) |
|
|
You Are My Destiny |
...the Podunk Holiday Inn? |
|
|
You're Having My Baby |
Frontal-Lobotomy Pop |
|
Fiona Snapple |
Sleep to Dream |
Exciting as Mondale |
|
April Wine |
Just Between You and Me |
For Vo-Tech Dropouts |
|
The Archies |
Jingle Jangle |
Pre-Puberty |
|
|
Sugar Sugar |
Pre-Verve Pipe |
|
Asia |
Heat of the Moment |
Attempt at Rock |
|
|
Only Time Will Tell |
Attempt at Rock |
|
The Association |
Cherish |
Valium for the Brain-Dead |
|
Rick Astley |
Cry for Help |
Rick Ghastly |
|
|
Giving Up On Love |
Pee Wee with broken hand |
|
|
Never Gonna Give You Up |
...nor get it up |
|
|
She Wants to Dance With Me |
Cucumber in your pants? |
|
|
Together Forever |
Forgotten forever |
|
Atlanta Rhythm Section |
Imaginary Lover |
Pee Wee, to your hand |
|
|
So Into You |
Bill, to Monica's tonsils |
|
Atlantic Starr |
Always |
Check for Nads |
|
|
Masterpiece |
Chia-Pet Concerto |
|
|
Secret Lovers |
Hillary and Tipper? |
|
Patti Austin |
Baby Come to Me |
Tipper Spots the Stiffy J |
|
Frankie Avalon |
Venus |
Pre-Manilow Wuss-Pop |
|
The B-52's |
Good Stuff |
Time for a Vacation |
|
Stevie B |
Because I Love You |
Get a Last Name, You Wimp |
|
Bachman Turner Overdrive |
Ain't Seen Nothing Yet |
We've Seen Enough |
|
|
Let It Ride |
Bachman Turner Overplayed |
|
|
Looking Out for #1 |
Bachman Turner Overweight |
|
|
Roll on Down the Highway |
We got us a convoy!!! |
|
|
Taking Care of Business |
Redneck Rumble |
|
Bad Company |
Bad Company |
Sung at the Forklift Academy |
|
* 8th Biggest Dogs Ever |
Burning Sky |
Attempt at Rock |
|
|
Can't Get Enough |
1 more Meisterbrau, please |
|
|
Feel Like Makin' Love |
Fat Postal Clerk w/ a Stiffy |
|
|
Good Lovin' Gone Bad |
Wakin' up to Oprah |
|
Power-Chord Overkill |
Movin' On |
Pre-David Lee Roth |
|
|
One Night |
Forklift driver, in his dreams |
|
|
Ready for Love |
Ready for Retirement? |
|
|
Rock & Roll Fantasy |
Rock & Roll Roids |
|
|
Rock Steady |
With My New Bowling Bag |
|
|
Run With the Pack |
UPS Driver on Acid |
|
|
Shooting Star |
Attempt at Meaningful Lyrics |
|
Bad English |
When I See You Smile |
For Soft-Rock Wimps |
|
Joan Baez |
Diamonds & Rust |
Almost as boring and pretentious as Bob Dylan |
|
Marty Balin |
Hearts |
Jefferson Wheelchair |
|
Barnes & Barnes |
Fish Heads |
Smells Like Oprah |
|
Basia |
New Day for You |
Billy Graham complex |
|
Toni Basil |
Mickey |
Stick to Cheerleading |
|
Bay City Rollers |
Saturday Night |
Spice Boys from Hell |
|
Beach Boys |
Kokomo |
Where You Belong |
|
Beastie Boys |
Brass Monkey |
Ape shit |
|
|
Cookie Puss |
New Kids with a schtick |
|
|
No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn |
Nouveau Gauche |
|
|
Paul Revere |
Horse-shit |
|
|
Sabotage |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
|
|
So What'cha Want |
Frat Boys From Hell |
|
Beck |
Loser |
Mall Rat Caught Shoplifting |
|
|
Where It's At |
Viacom-munism |
|
Bee Gees |
Jive Talking |
Leisure Suit (With Sequins) |
|
|
Nights on Broadway |
Smells Like Travolta |
|
Bellamy Brothers |
Let Your Love Flow |
Monica to Bill, at that strategic moment |
|
The Bells |
Stay Awhile |
Musical Wedgie |
|
Pat Benatar |
Fire and Ice |
Queen of Overdramatization |
|
|
Heartbreaker |
Attempt at Rock |
|
|
Hell is for Children |
Hell is 'Soft Rock 93' |
|
|
Hit Me With Your Best Shot |
Monica, to Bill |
|
|
Invincible |
Steel-Plated Forklift |
|
|
Shadows of the Night |
Grew up Near Buttafuoco |
|
George Benson |
Give Me the Night |
Bill Clinton With a Stiffy |
|
|
Turn Your Love Around |
Turn the sheep around |
|
Chuck Berry |
My Ding-a-Ling |
...might get me impeached |
|
Elvin Bishop |
Fooled Around and Fell in Love |
Pee Wee, to his right hand |
|
Stephen Bishop |
It Might Be You |
Too Many Bishops |
|
The Blackbirds |
Walking in Rhythm |
Attempt at Soul |
|
Black Crowes |
Blackberry |
Confederate-Isolationism |
|
|
Hard to Handle |
The way Pee Wee likes it |
|
|
Remedy |
Yours is retirement |
|
Black Eyed Peas |
My Humps |
Hot stuff...at Walmart |
|
Blind Melon |
No Rain |
No Talent |
|
Blink 182 |
All the Small Things |
Punk poseurs |
|
|
Dammit |
Literary giants |
|
Bobby Bloom |
Montego Bay |
Al Bundy on Vacation |
|
Blotto |
I Wanna Be a Lifeguard |
Mega-horrendous |
|
Blue Swede |
Hooked on a Feeling |
Oogachaka, oogachaka |
|
Blues Traveler |
Hook |
Give that man another donut |
|
The BoDeans |
Closer to Free |
30&40-Something/VH1-Fodder Clueless Post-80's Regression |
|
Michael Bolton |
Can I Touch You There? |
Just do it, wuss-boy |
|
|
Dock of the Bay |
Covered once too often |
|
|
Georgia on My Mind |
Royalties on your mind? |
|
|
How Am I Supposed to Live Without You? |
Pee Wee in Handcuffs |
|
|
How Can We Be Lovers (If We Can't Be Friends?) |
What's with the long titles? / |
|
Is this what they make |
Love is a Wonderful Thing |
So is Integrity |
|
you listen to in hell? |
To Love Somebody |
Amorous Piggy, Lucky Kermit |
|
|
When a Man Loves a Woman |
Kermit With a Green Stiffy |
|
|
When I'm Back on My Feet Again |
(Wow, is this bad.) |
|
Tracy Bonham |
Mother Mother |
'Alternative', says MTV |
|
Bon Jovi |
Bad Medicine |
Weekend in Newark |
|
|
Born to Be My Baby |
Flatulata Americana |
|
More fun than Bon Ami |
I'll Be There For You |
. . . at the Tag-Team match |
|
|
Lay Your Hands on Me |
. . . and get VD |
|
|
Living in Sin |
Living on Payola |
|
|
Lost Highway |
Bon Cougar Mellencamp |
|
|
Livin' On a Prayer |
& workin' on a forklift |
|
More fun than 'Roids |
Runaway |
Is that a promise? |
|
|
Wanted Dead or Alive |
Preferably Dead |
|
|
You Give Love a Bad Name |
Obliterated by the Brits |
|
Jon Bon Jovi |
Midnight in Chelsea |
Beating a Dead Horse |
|
Daniel Boone |
Beautiful Sunday |
Trailblazer My Ass |
|
Debbie Boone |
You Light Up My Life |
Ruined more than 1 wedding |
|
Pat Boone |
Crazy Train |
'Tribute' to Ozzy |
|
|
Enter Sandman |
Competition for Metallica |
|
|
Tutti Frutti |
Too many Boones |
|
Boston |
Amanda |
Classic rock? Classic crock |
|
|
Let Me Take You Home Tonight |
..we'll watch WWF videos |
|
|
More Than a Feeling |
Hands in your pockets? |
|
|
Peace of Mind |
A Decade Behind the Times |
|
|
Rock and Roll Band |
Forklift Fandango |
|
Boys Like Girls |
The Great Escape ('06) |
Dysfunctional kata |
|
Boyz II Men |
I'll Make Love to You |
Boy-band baggage |
|
The Brady Bunch |
Time to Change |
Pre-Puberty / Pre-Hanson |
|
Laura Branigan |
Gloria |
Bore-ia |
|
|
How Am I Supposed to Live Without You? |
Covered-by-Bolton / |
|
|
Self Control |
Self-Abuse |
|
Bread |
Aubrey |
Granola-Bar Soft-Rock |
|
|
Baby I'm a Want You |
Attempt at a Clever Title |
|
|
Diary |
Era of the Sensitive Male |
|
|
If |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
|
It Don't Matter to Me |
Nor to us, for that matter |
|
|
Make It With You |
Total Wuss, Rhymes w/ Puss |
|
Walter Brennan |
Old Rivers ('62) |
Pre-Cougar |
|
Brewer and Shipley |
One Toke Over the Line |
Granola-Bar Pop |
|
Edie Brickel & the New Bohemians |
What I Am |
1/2-Ass Attempt at Significance |
|
Meredith Brooks |
Bitch |
Kitsch |
|
Brotherhood of Man |
United We Stand |
'Cuz you got 'roids? |
|
Jackson Browne |
Doctor My Eyes |
Lyricist My Ass |
|
Among Top 5 Dogs |
For a Rocker |
How would you know? |
|
All his songs are the |
Here Come Those Tears Again |
Listening to your own stuff? |
|
same, with slight |
Lawyers in Love |
Most insipid song ever? |
|
variations. |
Load Out / Stay |
Hyper-Pretentious PSR |
|
Perhaps no other |
Looking East |
You've gone south |
|
performer has done |
On the Boulevard |
Bush-League Bore |
|
more damage to the |
The Pretender |
Self-Reflection? |
|
credibility of classic rock |
Redneck Friend |
Ode to John Cougar? |
|
than this wanker. |
Rock Me on the Water |
What the hell does that mean? |
|
|
Running on Empty |
Rigged-Market Rumba |
|
|
Somebody's Baby |
Better than Sleeping Pills |
|
|
Tender is the Night |
King of the Wussies |
|
|
That Girl Could Sing |
. . . Better Than You |
|
|
You Love the Thunder |
Retired 20 years too late |
|
Brownsville Station |
Smokin' in the Boys Room |
Pre-Winger |
|
Peabo Bryson |
By the Time This Night is Over |
Tipper Wants It |
|
Buckner & Garcia |
Pac Man Fever |
Two-bit cash-in |
|
Rocky Burnette |
I'm Tired of Towing the Line |
Probably Related to Carol |
|
Bush |
Come Down |
Glue Sniffer / AMA / MTV |
|
|
Everything Zen |
Everything Playskool |
|
|
Glycerine |
Diaper-Rash Rock |
|
Buzz Hungry |
Anyone |
'Alternative,' says MTV |
|
John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band |
On the Dark Side |
Cheezy Springsteen Imitation |
|
Glen Campbell |
Rhinestone Cowboy |
Billy Jack in New York |
|
Candlebox |
Far Behind |
Rookie Forklift Driver |
|
Captain & Toenail |
Do It To Me One More Time |
Nympho or something? |
|
|
Love Will Keep Us Together |
So will 'Love Boat' reruns |
|
|
Muskrat Love |
Hillary & Bill in the Woods |
|
Irene Cara |
What a Feeling |
Pee Wee in the bathtub |
|
Belinda Carlisle |
Circle in the Sand |
Soft-Rock-by-Numbers |
|
|
Heaven is a Place on Earth |
Heaven is fen-phen |
|
|
I Get Weak |
Related to Bob? |
|
Bob Carlisle |
Butterfly Kisses |
In the Worst 100 Ever |
|
Eric Carmen |
All By Myself |
Good enough for Pee Wee |
|
|
Hungry Eyes |
1/2-Ass Movie Tie-In |
|
|
Make Me Lose Control |
Tipper to her shower massage |
|
Kim Carnes |
Bette Davis Eyes |
One-Hit Blunder |
|
The Carpenters |
Close to You |
Pollyanna |
|
(Yes, Karen did |
Mr. Postman |
Sedaka |
|
have talent) |
Sing |
Schwing |
|
|
(I'm On) Top of the World |
Sedaka Porks Pollyanna |
|
|
We've Only Just Begun |
Tipper puts the batteries in |
|
Paul Carrack |
Don't Shed a Tear |
Get some cajones |
|
Jim Carrol Band |
People Who Died |
Don't Give up the Day Job |
|
Johnny Cash |
A Boy Named Sue |
Attempt at Humor |
|
Peter Cetera |
The Glory of Love |
Soft-Rock Valium |
|
Chairman of the Board |
Give Me Just a Little More Time |
When Al can't get it up |
|
Harry Chapin |
Cat's in the Cradle |
Attempt at Significance |
|
|
30,000 Pounds of Bananas |
Don't quit your day job |
|
Charlene |
I've Never Been to Me |
Is your hand broken? |
|
Cher |
Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves |
Sodom & Gomorrah |
|
|
Half Breed |
Half Ass |
|
|
If I Could Turn Back Time |
. . . . I'd Never Marry Sonny |
|
|
I've Found Someone |
Probably 20 Years Your Junior |
|
Neneh Cherry |
Buffalo Stance |
Amy Grant with an attitude |
|
Chic |
Good Times |
Coke-Head Pop |
|
Chicago |
Baby What a Big Surprise |
Wakin' up to RuPaul |
|
|
Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is? |
Time for retirement |
|
|
Hard Habit to Break |
Musical Masturbation |
|
Placebo Pop: |
If She Would Have Been Faithful |
Maybe she wanted nads |
|
Upon closer inspection, |
Inspiration |
Theirs must be VH1 |
|
nothing's there. |
Look Away |
Soft-Rock Hall of Heaves / |
|
|
Old Days |
Smells Like Kate Smith |
|
|
Saturday in the Park |
Regresso-Rock |
|
|
Stay the Night |
Hilary to Monica? |
|
|
25 or 6 to 4 |
Attempt at Sophistication |
|
Jane Child |
Don't Wanna Fall in Love |
With powdery substances? |
|
Ciccone Youth |
Addicted to Love ('88) |
(Sonic-but-Boring Youth) |
|
Cinderella |
Don't Know What You Got 'Til It's Gone |
Poodle Rock |
|
|
Gypsy Road |
Smells like Cher |
|
Eric Clapton |
Wonderful Tonight |
Call it a day, Eric |
|
The Classics Four |
Every Day With You, Girl |
Happy 60's |
|
Climax |
Precious and Few |
..were good 70's songs |
|
Climax Blues Band |
Couldn't Get It Right |
You Said It |
|
Tom Cochrane |
Life is a Highway |
Master of Metaphor |
|
Joe Cocker |
You Can Leave Your Hat On |
Washed-Up Wanker |
|
Marc Cohn |
Walking in Memphis |
Pseudo roots-rock |
|
Paula Cole |
I Don't Want to Wait |
Flavor of the Month / |
|
Collective Soul |
December |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
|
|
Gel |
Post-80's Regression |
|
|
Hollywood |
Collective sell-outs |
|
Skynyrd for the 90's |
Precious Declaration |
Almost a 'Worst 100' |
|
|
Shine |
Cosmo Kramer, Assman |
|
Isolationist Rock |
Where the River Flows |
More 70's Southern Rock |
|
|
The World I Know |
Redneck-O-Rama |
|
Phil Collins |
Sussudio |
Phil Knows Better |
|
Color Me Badd |
I Wanna Sex You Up |
Smells like Prince |
|
Shawn Colvin |
You and the Mona Lisa |
Clueless-VH1-Soccer-Mom |
|
Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen |
Hot Rod Lincoln |
Green Teeth and Red Necks & an NRA Membership Card |
|
The Commodores |
Easy |
Cheezy |
|
The Cookies |
Don't Say Nothing Bad About My Baby |
Pre-Beatles Nonsense |
|
Alice Cooper |
Elected |
Post-60's Regression |
|
|
Only Women (Bleed) |
Pre-Marilyn Manson |
|
|
School's Out |
Integrity's out |
|
Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose |
It's Too Late to Turn Back Now |
Leisure-Suit Sonata |
|
Chris Cornell |
You Know My Name |
Soundgarden lackey |
|
John Cougar |
The Authority Song |
Yee-Haw, Bobbie Lee!! |
|
The epitome of |
Check It Out |
Pre-Matchbox 20, hay-yupp! |
|
affirmative action for |
Cherry Bomb |
Pass the Skoal, Billie Sue! |
|
confederate pop. |
Crumblin' Down |
Flatulata Indiana |
|
In a free and open |
Hurts So Good |
More Fun than Fertilizer |
|
market, one based |
I Need a Lover |
..& a new wad of chew |
|
upon integrity & quality, |
Jack & Dianne |
Rigged-Market Rumba |
|
Joy Division would be |
Lonely Old Night |
No problem, call Pee Wee |
|
a household |
Our Country |
Kindergarten-level patriotism |
|
name and |
Paper and Fire |
Green-Acres Pop |
|
little Johnny Cougar |
Pink Houses |
Walmart Radio Network |
|
would still be |
Pop Singer |
...by Indiana standards |
|
milking cows |
R.O.C.K. in the USA |
S.U.C.K. in the USA |
|
back in Indiana. |
Small Town |
Pass the Grits, Billy Jack! |
|
|
This Time |
Musical aspartame |
|
America has been had. |
Wild Night |
Boxcar Willie in Heat |
|
Counting Crows |
Mr. Jones |
Fodder for Letterman Show |
|
|
'Round Here |
Post-80's Regression |
|
Coven |
One Tin Soldier: Legend of Billy Jack |
Pre-Cougar / Pass the Beans |
|
The Cowsills |
Indian Lake |
Native-American Lake, to the politically-correct |
|
Les Crane |
Desiderata |
Deteriorata |
|
Crash Test Dummies |
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm |
Baritone from hell |
|
Creed |
Higher |
Flatulata Americana |
|
|
With Arms Wide Open |
Nominee for Worst 100 |
|
Creedence Clearwater Revival |
Down on the Corner |
NRA Rock / |
|
|
Looking Out My Back Door |
& seein' Jed & Jethro |
|
|
Sweet Hitchhiker |
Pass the Skoal, Reba! |
|
|
Up Around the Bend |
..is the Shady Rest, hay-yupp! |
|
Jim Croce |
Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown |
Obliterated by the Brits |
|
|
I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song |
Love Stinks |
|
|
I've Got a Name |
...but no cajones |
|
|
Operator |
Era of the Sensitive Male |
|
|
Time in a Bottle |
Attempt at Significance |
|
|
You Don't Mess Around With Jim |
Trailer-Park Tango |
|
Crosby, Stills & Nash |
Just a Song Before I Go |
Just Go |
|
|
Our House |
Pre-Bob Vila |
|
Christopher Cross |
Arthur's Theme |
Soccer Mom's first 45 |
|
|
Ride Like the Wind |
Break Like the Wind |
|
Sheryl Corporate Crow |
All I Wanna Do |
Too Many Crows / Crowes |
|
Paula Abdul for the 90's |
Can't Cry Anymore |
Corporate-Puppet Pop |
|
|
D'yer Make'r |
Chia-Pet Cha Cha |
|
VH1 Confederate Pop |
Everyday is a Winding Road |
VH1 "Honors" / Major Heave |
|
|
Home |
Sheryl Cougar Mellencamp |
|
|
If It Makes You Happy The Gavin Report called this one 'alternative.' |
Viacom-munism / |
|
appears inevitable for |
Leaving Las Vegas |
Aren't they lucky! |
|
this liteweight opportunist. |
Strong Enough |
...to win worthless Grammys |
|
|
Tomorrow Never Dies |
Fortunately, pretense does |
|
The Cufflinks |
Tracy |
Doris Day for the 70's |
|
Cutting Crew |
Died in Your Arms |
No-Nad Nation |
|
Burton Cummings |
Stand Tall |
Al Bundy in the Mirror |
|
Billy Ray Cyrus |
Achy Breaky Heart |
Yee-Haw!! |
|
Daddy Dewdrop |
Chick-a-Boom |
Post-60's Regression |
|
Damn Yankees |
High Enough |
Forklift at Full Throttle |
|
Charlie Daniels Band |
Devil Went Down to Georgia |
...and brought you back |
|
|
This Ain't No Rag, It's a Flag |
Patriotism, Walmart style |
|
Daughtry |
Over You ('07) |
Confederate Idol |
|
Mac Davis |
Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me |
Goes good with Billy Beer |
|
|
I Believe in Music |
Pre-VH1 Country Pop |
|
Paul Davis |
Cool Night |
Soft-Rock Septic Tank |
|
|
I Go Crazy |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
|
'65 Love Affair |
For wimps, simps & gimps |
|
Sammy Davis Jr. |
Candy Man |
Pollyanna's First 45 |
|
Doris Day |
Whatever Will Be, Will Be (Que Sera, Sera) |
Pre-Imbruglia / Pre-Jewel / |
|
Taylor Dayne |
I'll Be Your Shelter |
...a big one at that |
|
|
Love Will Lead You Back |
Leo Buscaglia Wanna-Be |
|
|
Tell It To My Heart |
Grew up near Billy Joel |
|
|
With Every Beat of My Heart |
All Her Stuff is the Same |
|
Deadeye Dick |
New Age Girl |
Waste of Good Sperm |
|
Dead Milkmen |
Bitchin' Camaro |
College Radio Hall of Heaves |
|
|
Instant Club Hit (You'll Dance to Anything) |
Corporate-directed isolationism |
|
Jimmy Dean |
Big John |
Pre-Sausage |
|
DeBarge |
Rhythm of the Night |
Sedaka Porkin' Pollyanna |
|
Chris DeBurgh |
The Lady in Red |
Supermarket Muzak |
|
Del Amitri |
Roll to Me |
'Alternative', says WNEW |
|
Deep Blue Something |
Breakfast at Tiffany's |
VH1 Poster Children |
|
Rick Dees & His Cast of Idiots |
Disco Duck |
Weird Uncle Clem, who sells guns at Wal-Mart |
|
Def Leppard |
Pour Some Sugar On Me |
Forklift Driver with Hiccups |
|
The DeFranco Family |
Heartbeat, It's a Lovebeat |
Soft-Rock Prototype |
|
Delaney & Bonnie & Friends |
Never Ending Song of Love |
It seemed that way |
|
John Denver |
Thank God I'm a Country Boy |
Garth is God / God is Garth |
|
The DeVinyls |
I Touch Myself |
So Does Pee Wee |
|
Rick Derringer |
Rock & Roll, Hoochie Koo |
Regresso-Rock |
|
Neil Diamond |
(Coming to) America |
Attempt at Patriotism |
|
|
Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon |
Pre-Seinfeld |
|
Mark Dinning |
Teen Angel |
Pre-David Geddes |
|
Dinosaur Junior |
Feel the Pain |
You mean, feel your voice? |
|
|
Out There |
Alternative Wanna-Be |
|
Celine Dion |
It's All Coming Back to Me Now |
Canine Dion |
|
Dire Straits |
Money for Nothing |
For UPS Drivers Named Carl |
|
|
Solid Rock |
Solid con-job |
|
|
Walk of Life |
Keep Walking |
|
Disco Tex & His Sexolettes |
Get Dancin' |
Leisure Suit (Pink) |
|
Dishwalla |
Counting Blue Cars |
Illiterate Slacker with a Pager |
|
Dr. Hook |
Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk |
What's This Guy's Agenda? |
|
|
Cover of the Rolling Stone |
A Place You Don't Want to Be |
|
|
Only 16 |
Old enough for Seinfeld |
|
|
Sylvia's Mother |
Pre-Bolton |
|
|
When You're in Love with a Beautiful Woman |
Pre-'Soft Rock 93' |
|
Dr. John |
Right Place, Wrong Time |
Too Many Doctors |
|
Dog's Eye View |
Everything Falls Apart |
For MTV Slackers |
|
Bo Donaldson |
Billy, Don't Be a Hero |
Sung at VH1 studios |
|
The Doobie Brothers |
Black Water |
PSR (Post-60's Regression) |
|
|
China Grove |
Pre-Geriatric |
|
|
(Music Is) The Doctor |
Proctology Rock |
|
Pat Boone for the 70's |
Jesus is Just Alright |
PSR / Christian Rock |
|
|
Listen to the Music |
Pre-Gin Blossoms |
|
|
Long Train Runnin' |
Derailment in D Minor |
|
|
Rockin' Down the Highway |
...with plenty of Skoal |
|
|
Takin' It to the Streets |
....of Tulsa? |
|
Double |
Captain of Her Heart |
Soft-Rock 'Roids |
|
Carl Douglas |
Kung Fu Fighting |
Pre-Weird Al (Gore) |
|
Mike Douglas |
The Men in My Little Girl's Life |
Madonna's First 45 |
|
Patty Duke |
Don't Just Stand There ('65) |
Pre-Imbruglia |
|
Robbie Dupree |
Hot Rod Hearts |
Richard-Petty Pop |
|
|
Steal Away |
Blown Away...by the Brits |
|
Sheila E. |
The Glamorous Life |
Get a Last Name Already |
|
|
Love Bizarre |
Smells Like Prince |
|
The Eagles |
Already Gone |
Planet Agway |
|
* Among 5 Biggest Dogs |
Best of My Love |
Post-60's Regression |
|
|
The Greeks Don't Want No Freaks |
Attempt at Clever Lyrics |
|
They took the ball from |
Heartache Tonight |
Out of Skoal? |
|
the 60's bands and |
Hotel California |
Pre-Garth Brooks |
|
ran backwards. |
In the City |
Boxcar Willie's Memoirs |
|
|
James Dean |
Planet Peoria |
|
|
Life in the Fast Lane |
Bowl 300, Win a Meisterbrau |
|
|
On the Border |
Return of Billy Jack |
|
Confederate Pop-Rock |
Peaceful, Easy Feeling |
Era of the Sensitive Male |
|
|
Take It Easy |
Running low on Skoal? |
|
Pre-Isolationist Nation |
Take It to the Limit |
Take It Up the Ass |
|
|
Those Shoes |
...smell like Skynyrd |
|
|
Victim of Love |
Divorced Forklift Driver |
|
Sheena Easton |
The Lover in Me |
Pre-Sarah McLachlan |
|
|
Morning Train (9 to 5) |
Derailment-Pop |
|
|
Strut |
Rhymes With Slut |
|
|
Sugar Walls |
Post-Vicki Lawrence |
|
|
You Could Have Been With Me |
..and you would've had herpes |
|
Edison Lighthouse |
Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes |
Wrap That Rascal |
|
Jonathan Edwards |
Sunshine |
Jimmy-Carter Pop |
|
Walter Egan |
Magnet & Steel |
Master of Metaphor |
|
Electric Light Orchestra |
Evil Woman |
Post-60's Regression (PSR) |
|
|
Shine a Little Love |
Burned Out |
|
Shirley Ellis |
The Name Game |
Let's Do Tipper! |
|
Eminem |
Guilty Conscience |
Eminenema |
|
|
My Name Is |
. . . Eminasshole |
|
England Dan & John Ford Coley |
I'd Really Love to See You Tonight |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
In Medieval times |
Love is the Answer |
Total wuss, rhymes w/ puss |
|
they beheaded people |
Nights are Forever Without You |
Sedaka, when Pollyanna has a headache |
|
|
We'll Never Have to Say Goodbye Again |
...to Soft Rock 93 |
|
Gloria Estefan |
Always Tomorrow |
Shameless marketing |
|
|
Cuts Both Ways |
Profound thought, eh? |
|
She's a master at |
1-2-3 |
Sesame-Street Pop |
|
exploiting the soft-rock |
Reach |
For Clueless 40-Somethings |
|
marketing niche. |
Words Get in the Way |
So do hemorrhoids |
|
Europe |
Carrie |
Fed-Ex Drivers Sing It |
|
|
The Final Countdown |
UPS Driver, Last Round |
|
Everclear |
Father of Mine |
Modern-Rock Meatheads |
|
|
Santa Monica |
Monica was a saint? |
|
Exile |
Kiss You All Over |
Monica, to Little Willie |
|
Extreme |
More Than Words |
Attempt at Significance |
|
Shelley Fabares |
Johnny Angel |
Pre-Britney Spears |
|
Donna Fargo |
Happiest Girl in the Whole USA |
Yee-Haw!! / Pre-Garth |
|
Kevin Federline (K-Fed) |
PopoZao |
K-Hole |
|
Jose Feliciano |
Feliz Navidad |
Christmas Cash-In |
|
Jay Ferguson |
Thunder Island |
Where Al First Porked Tipper |
|
The Fifth Dimension |
Wedding Bell Blues |
Pre-Hootie |
|
Filter |
Hey Man, Nice Shot |
Illiterate Slacker With a Pager |
|
Firefall |
Just Remember I Love You |
Total Wuss, Rhymes w/ Puss |
|
|
You Are the Woman |
Heard on 'No-Nad 93' |
|
Firehouse |
Don't Treat Me Bad |
Glue-Sniffer Rock |
|
|
Love of a Lifetime |
Hose job |
|
The Firm |
Radioactive |
Attempt at Rock |
|
First Class |
Beach Baby |
Frontal-Lobotomy Pop |
|
Five for Fighting |
100 Years |
Dave Matthews disease |
|
|
Superman |
Cag-match cretins |
|
The Five Stairsteps |
O-o-h Child |
Leisure-Suit Soul |
|
Five Man Electrical Band |
Signs |
5 Man Red-Neck-tical Band |
|
Roberta Flack |
That's the Time (I Feel Like Making Love to You) |
Pre-Tori Amos |
|
Flack w/ Donny Hathaway |
The Closer I Get to You |
Era of the Insipid Duet |
|
Flaming Lips |
She Don't Use Jelly |
Flaming Arse-holes |
|
Flying Machine |
Smile a Little Smile For Me (Rose Marie) |
Candidate for a VH1 biography |
|
Dan Fogelberg |
Longer |
Sure ain't your schlong |
|
John Fogerty |
Centerfield |
Let's Go Bowling! |
|
Foghat |
Stone Blue |
Regresso-Rock |
|
The Foo Fighters |
Big Me |
Illiterate Slacker w/ a Pager / |
|
|
I'm In Love With a German Film Star |
Desecration of a masterpiece |
|
|
Learn to Fly |
Learn to compose |
|
|
Monkey Wrench (Horrible stuff) |
Mass Marketing 101 |
|
Steve Forbert |
Romeo's Tune |
Podunk Strikes Back |
|
Lita Ford |
Kiss Me Deadly |
80's-Rock Trailer-Park Slut |
|
Foreigner |
Cold As Ice |
'Roids of Rock |
|
* 6th Biggest Dogs Ever |
Dirty White Boy |
Security Guard on Acid |
|
|
Double Vision |
Stoned Fed-Ex Driver |
|
A band totally |
Feels Like the First Time |
Rookie Forklift Driver |
|
out of sync |
Head Games |
Chewing Tobacco Cha Cha |
|
with the breathtaking |
Hot Blooded |
Dumbest lyrics ever? |
|
changes taking place |
I Want to Know What Love Is |
Vo-Tech Poetry Class |
|
in rock music |
Juke Box Hero |
Frat Boy from Hell |
|
at the time. |
Say You Will |
I Spilled My Meisterbrau! L |
|
That's why they got |
That Was Yesterday |
And so were you |
|
so much U.S. airplay. |
Urgent |
UPS truck low on gas |
|
|
Waiting for a Girl Like You |
Lecherous Postal Clerk |
|
The Fortunes |
Here Comes that Rainy Day Feeling Again |
Wet Behind the Ears |
|
Foster the People |
Pumped Up Kicks |
Peter Bjorn & John plagiarists |
|
Four Non Blondes |
What's Up |
Not your career |
|
The Four Seasons |
Oh What a Night (December '63) |
When you should've retired |
|
|
Who Loves You (Baby) |
Heard on the Love Boat |
|
The Four Tops |
Ain't No Woman Like the One I Got |
Hope it's not Janet Reno |
|
Connie Francis |
Where the Boys Are |
Pee Wee's first 45 |
|
The Fray |
How to Save a Life |
Beyond resuscitation |
|
Free |
All Right Now |
"Guitar Rock!" Commercial |
|
The Free Movement |
I've Found Someone of My Own |
Regresso-Soul |
|
Glenn Frey |
The Heat is On |
Al Bundy in Sunglasses |
|
|
Smuggler's Blues |
You're so cool it hurts |
|
|
True Love |
Imaginative Title |
|
|
You Belong to the City |
Oklahoma City |
|
Fun |
Some Nights |
Kiddie baiting |
|
|
Carry On |
Toddler baiting |
|
|
We Are Young |
Cretin baiting |
|
Kenny G. |
The Moment |
His songs don't just sound the |
|
Get a last name, already. |
Songbird |
same, they are the same. |
|
Gallery |
I Believe in Music |
...but apparently not in nads |
|
|
It's So Nice to Be With You |
Sedaka Plugs Pollyanna |
|
The Gap Band |
You Dropped a Bomb on Me |
Tribute to Literacy |
|
Leif Garrett |
I Was Made for Dancin' |
You Were Made. Period. |
|
Gloria Gaynor |
I Will Survive |
As If We Care |
|
David Geddes |
The Last Game of the Season |
Most shameless song ever. |
|
|
Run, Joey, Run |
Worst song ever recorded? |
|
J. Geils Band |
Centerfold |
Stashed under the forklift seat |
|
|
Freeze Frame |
Top request of UPS drivers |
|
Product of an |
I Must Have Got Lost |
Same forklift, new warehouse |
|
isolationist market. |
Love Stinks |
So does Aqua Velva |
|
Genesis |
Paperlate |
Pre-Rembrandts |
|
Gerardo |
Rico Suave |
Vanilla Ice goes Latino |
|
Debbie Gibson |
In Your Eyes |
Grew up near Billy Joel |
|
Nick Gilder |
Hot Child in the City |
Pre-Vanilla Ice |
|
Gin Blossoms |
Allison Road |
VH1 Poster Children |
|
Doobie Brothers |
Follow You Down |
Serious Gonad Deficiency |
|
for the 90's, who |
Found Out About You |
Soft Rock in Disguise |
|
were the Pat Boones |
Hey Jealousy |
Post-80's Regression |
|
of the 70's |
'Til I Hear It From You |
Post-Sedaka Isolationism |
|
|
Until I Fall Away |
Professional Whiners |
|
Glass Tiger |
Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone |
Canadian Air Supply |
|
|
Someday |
Ka-Ka Pop |
|
The Go Go's |
We Got the Beat |
& we got the fen-phen, too |
|
Bobby Goldsboro |
The Autumn of My Life |
Pre-Geriatric |
|
|
Honey |
Pollyanna on Acid |
|
|
Watching Scotty Grow |
Pee Wee's Sexual Fantasy |
|
Andrew Gold |
Lonely Boy |
Serves you right |
|
|
Thank You for Being a Friend |
Who are you, Mr. Rogers? |
|
Goo Goo Dolls |
Iris |
Bush-League Bores |
|
Isolationist Pop/Rock |
Name |
Goo Goo Schmucks |
|
Go West |
King of Wishful Thinking |
King of Kitsch |
|
Larry Graham |
One in a Million (Chance of a Lifetime) |
Ruined More Than 1 Wedding |
|
Lou Gramm |
Midnight Blue |
Forklift Driver, 3rd Shift |
|
Grand Funk Railroad |
Some Kind of Wonderful |
Music to Bale Hay By |
|
|
We're An American Band |
We Can Tell |
|
Amy Grant |
Baby Baby |
Post-Cowsills |
|
|
Every Heartbeat (Belongs to You) |
...if you have a pulse |
|
|
I Will Remember You |
Christian Soft Rock |
|
|
That's What Love is For |
Imaginative title, eh? |
|
The Grass Roots |
Sooner or Later |
Preferably Never |
|
David Gray |
Babylon |
Nasal drip |
|
Dobie Gray |
Drift Away |
Soft-Rock Opium |
|
R.B. Greaves |
Take a Letter, Maria |
Smells Like Tony Orlando |
|
Lorne Green |
Ringo |
Pass the Beans, Bucko |
|
Green Day |
When I Come Around |
"I think Green Day is Rancid" |
|
Lee Greenwood |
God Bless the USA |
And Pay Up Your NRA Dues |
|
Henry Gross |
Shannon |
One of the 10 Worst Ever |
|
The Guess Who |
Clap for the Wolfman |
STD in B Minor |
|
Sammy Hagar |
I Can't Drive 55 |
Forklift Driver, Midlife Crisis |
|
Hall & Oates |
Family Man |
Typical Philadelphia crap |
|
|
I Can't Go for That |
Tipper to the Anal Intruder |
|
|
Kiss on My List |
Kiss THIS |
|
|
Man Eater |
Monica's First Record |
|
|
Sarah Smile |
Rhymes with pre-nubile |
|
|
Starting All Over Again |
Embarrassment to Phila. |
|
Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds |
Don't Pull Your Love |
The Palma Sutra? |
|
MC Hammer |
Pumps and a Bump |
Brilliant (by MTV standards) |
|
|
U Can't Touch This ('90) |
He's right |
|
Albert Hammond |
It Never Rains in Southern California |
Smells like Manilow |
|
Hanson |
MMMBop (Diaper-Rash Pop) |
Return of the Brady Bunch |
|
The Happenings |
I'll See You in September |
Pre-Rembrandts |
|
Richard Harris |
MacArthur Park |
7 Minutes too Long |
|
George Harrison |
I've Got My Mind Set On You |
(See Ringo Starr) |
|
Corey Hart |
Never Surrender |
...your spandex pants |
|
|
Sunglasses at Night |
You're so cool it hurts |
|
Dan Hartman |
I Can Dream About You |
For Soft-Rock Cretins |
|
Head East |
Never Been Any Reason |
Flunked the Forklift Academy |
|
Heart |
All I Wanna Do Is Make Love to You |
Fat-fetish fandango |
|
|
Alone |
. . . with my fen-phen |
|
* Among 5 Biggest Dogs |
Barracuda |
Is that what it smells like? |
|
And these girls are BIG |
Crazy on You |
Heard in Cell Block H |
|
|
Dreamboat Annie |
Same fate as the Titanic |
|
|
Even It Up |
Bowling-Alley Boogie |
|
Seattle music |
Heartless |
Al Bundy in a Bad Mood |
|
was irrelevant |
Kick It Out |
Rigged-Market Rumba |
|
even back then. |
Little Queen |
HMS Phat Phukkerz |
|
|
Magic Man |
...with an obesity fetish |
|
|
Never |
When They'll Diet |
|
|
Nothin' At All |
Pass the cheesecake, baby |
|
Apparently incapable |
Secret, Tall, Dark, Handsome Stranger |
In These Porkers' Dreams |
|
of handling |
Straight On |
.. to the fen-phen bottle |
|
sophisticated themes. |
What About Love? |
What about exercise? |
|
|
Who Will You Run To? |
Run to VH1, they'll play you. |
|
Heatwave |
Always & Forever |
Wedding song from hell |
|
|
Boogie Nights |
Honeymoon in Newark |
|
Don Henley |
All She Wants to Do is Dance |
Tipper After a Highball |
|
|
The Boys of Summer |
Pee Wee goes to camp |
|
Like Glen Frey, this guy |
Dirty Laundry |
Al Bundy, Social Critic |
|
thinks he's cool. |
The End of the Innocence |
Attempt at Sophistication |
|
|
The Heart of the Matter |
Rolling Stone poster child |
|
|
Johnny Can't Read |
...and you can't sing |
|
|
New York Minute |
As if he knows |
|
|
Sunset Grill |
Grilled Cheese |
|
|
The Last Worthless Evening |
Ninth worthless song |
|
Bertie Higgins |
Key Largo |
Al Bundy's Weekend Retreat |
|
Dan Hill |
Can't We Try |
Soft-Rock Suck-Up |
|
|
Sometimes When We Touch |
Pee Wee Alone at the Movies |
|
Hillside Singers |
I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing |
Tipper Approves! |
|
The Hollies |
The Air That I Breathe |
A Good Band Gone Bad |
|
Rupert Holmes |
Escape (The Pina Colada Song) |
Pina Ka-Ka |
|
Honey Cone |
Want Ads |
False Advertising |
|
Honeymoon Suite |
Feel It Again |
Nympho-Rock |
|
The Hooters |
And We Danced |
More evidence that nothing |
|
|
All You Zombies |
much comes out of |
|
|
Day by Day |
Philadelphia. |
|
Hootie & The Blowfish |
Hold My Hand |
Huey Lewis for the 90's . . . |
|
Chapel Hill & Seattle |
Let Her Cry |
. . . (With Baggier Pants) |
|
should both be nuked |
Only Wanna Be With You |
For Clueless 40-Somethings |
|
into oblivion. |
Tucker's Town |
Corporate Puppets? |
|
Bruce Hornsby |
Across the River |
Yet more proof that 'rock' |
|
An abominable lack of |
Every Little Kiss |
radio has been utterly |
|
talent, vision & charisma, |
Lost Soul |
rigged, sanitized, and |
|
not to mention nads. |
The Way It Is |
dumbed down for morons. |
|
Hot Butter |
Popcorn |
Pollyanna Unsaturated |
|
Hot Chocolate |
You Sexy Thing |
You Opportunist Thangs |
|
Whitney Houston |
I Will Always Love You |
Tipper to her Shower Massage |
|
The Hues Corporation |
Rock the Boat |
Please, not with 'Heart' in it |
|
The Human League |
Fascination |
Esperanto |
|
Engelbert Humperdinck |
After the Lovin' |
Lesbian Seagull wasn't bad. |
|
Bryan Hyland |
Sealed With a Kiss |
Kiss THIS, you wuss |
|
Terry Jacks |
Seasons in the Sun |
Heat Exhaustion |
|
The Jackson Five |
ABC |
Pre-Pu-ber-ty |
|
|
Rockin' Robin |
Training-Bra Pop |
|
Janet Jackson |
Alright |
Marketing 101 |
| An All-Time Dog |
Control |
Tipper Gettin' Down |
|
|
Diamonds |
Smells Like Madonna |
|
|
Escapade |
...right outta here, please |
|
Theatre & choreography |
If |
Related to Milli Vanilli? |
|
do not music maketh. |
Let's Wait Awhile |
Written by an MBA? |
|
|
Love Will Never Do (Without You) |
Hollywood yes, music no |
|
Her handlers probably |
Nasty |
Oh what vocal range |
|
wouldn't let her tackle |
Pleasure Principle |
The Joys of Nepotism |
|
an intelligent theme. |
What Have You Done for Me Lately? |
It Ain't What You Know . . . |
|
|
When I Think of You |
Thinking of Ellen DeGeneres? |
|
Michael Jackson |
Ben |
Diaper-Rash Pop / Pre-Hanson |
|
The Jaggerz |
The Rapper |
Smells like The Clapper |
|
The James Gang |
Funk 49 |
Red-Man Rumba |
|
|
Walk Away |
Not with my Meisterbrau! |
|
Al Jarreau |
We're in This Love Together |
Pre-Geriatric |
|
Jefferson Starship |
Count On Me |
Jefferson Wheelchair |
|
|
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now |
Jefferson Star-Shit |
|
|
Play on Love |
Sludge of the 70's |
|
|
We Built This City |
You Bilked This City |
|
The Jets |
Crush on You |
When Oprah gets on top |
|
|
You Got It All |
Pre-'N Sync |
|
Joan Jett |
I Love Rock and Roll |
Sung on the Loading Dock |
|
Jewel |
Hands |
Lightweight Opportunist |
|
|
You Were Meant for Me |
Bland-o-Rama |
|
Jigsaw |
Sky High |
Do the 8-Track Tango |
|
Billy Joel |
Allentown |
Joey-Buttafuoco-rock |
|
|
A Matter of Trust |
Soft-Rock Rumba |
|
|
Big Shot |
Joey on cover of N.Y. Post |
|
|
Captain Jack |
My Forklift Runs on Cheese |
|
|
Honesty |
Forklift can't get it up |
|
|
Don't Ask Me Why |
...the market's rigged |
|
|
I Go to Extremes |
Forklift in 5th Gear |
|
|
Innocent Man |
Jury on the take? |
|
|
It's Still Rock & Roll to Me |
Buttafuoco on a Forklift |
|
Another musical giant |
Just the Way You Are |
Buttafuoco, after doing EST |
|
from Long Island, |
Keeping the Faith |
Not to mention the royalties |
|
just like |
The Longest Time |
An affront to doo-wop |
|
Taylor Dayne, |
Movin' Out |
Run, Joey Buttafuoco, Run |
|
Pat Benatar, |
Only the Good Die Young |
Buttafuoco Should Know |
|
Debbie Gibson, |
Pressure |
Small forklift, big truck |
|
and Kiss. |
River of Dreams |
Buttafuoco goes soft-rock |
|
|
Tell Her About It |
Smells like Huey Lewis |
|
|
Uptown Girl |
Tipper at Bloomie's |
|
|
We Didn't Start the Fire |
Al Bundy on "Face the Nation" |
|
|
You May Be Wrong (But You May Be Right) |
Make up your mind already |
|
|
You're Only Human (Second Wind) |
Break Like the Wind |
|
Elton John |
Bennie and the Jets |
We all have our bad days |
|
|
Philadelphia Freedom |
Exciting stuff, to Ben Franklin |
|
Elton John & Kiki Dee |
Don't Go Breaking My Heart |
Insipid 70's Duet |
|
Robert John |
Sad Eyes |
Too Many Johns |
|
Johnny Hates Jazz |
Shattered Dreams |
Soccer-mom totals her minivan |
|
Sammy Johns |
Chevy Van |
Tipper's Fondest Memory |
|
Don Johnson |
Heartbeat |
Nominee for Worst 100 |
|
Michael Johnson |
Bluer Than Blue |
Bleu Cheese |
|
Howard Jones |
Things Can Only Get Better |
Scintillating Title |
|
Rickie Lee Jones |
Chuck E's In Love |
Pre-Sheryl Crow |
|
Tom Jones |
Delilah |
A Decade Behind the Times |
|
|
She's a Lady |
Stud Pop |
|
Journey |
Anytime |
Classic rock? Classic crock |
|
|
Any Way You Want It |
For forklift academy dropouts |
|
* 9th Biggest Dogs Ever |
Don't Stop Believing |
Flatulata Americana |
|
|
Faithfully |
Planet Meisterbrau |
|
It's doubtful these |
Lights |
Isolationism in Action |
|
lightweight opportunists |
Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin' |
'Roids of Rock |
|
could have thrived |
Message of Love |
UPS Driver in Heat |
|
if U.S. rock stations |
Open Arms |
Barf Bag, Heave Deep |
|
hadn't slammed the door |
Send Her My Love |
... by forklift |
|
on the British, |
Separate Ways |
Rigged-Market Rumba |
|
as directed |
Stone in Love |
Doin' it in the UPS truck |
|
by advertisers. |
Wheel in the Sky |
Walmart Cassette Rack |
|
|
Who's Crying Now |
Trailer Park Tango |
|
Kansas |
Carry on My Wayward Son |
Prodigal Forklift Operator |
|
|
Dust in the Wind |
Al Bundy in Deep Thought |
|
|
Point of No Return |
Why Do They Bother? |
|
Katrina and the Waves |
Walking on Sunshine |
Chia-Pet Cha Cha |
|
Toby Keith |
Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) |
The ugly American with the warped sense of patriotism |
|
Kid Rock |
American Bad Ass |
American Fat Ass |
|
|
Cowboy |
Disgrace to Detroit |
|
|
Yodeling in the Valley |
Kid Dumphuk |
|
Kid Rock & Sheryl Corporate Crow |
Picture |
No balls, two strikes |
|
Andy Kim |
Rock Me Gently |
What the hell does that mean? |
|
King Harvest |
Dancing in the Moonlight |
...behind the Podunk Motel 6 |
|
Kiss |
Beth |
Attempt at Significance |
|
|
Let's Put the X in Sex |
Attempt at spelling |
|
Openly anti-Muslim |
Rock 'N' Roll All Nite |
Arena-Gonorrhea Rock |
|
Klymaxx |
I Miss You |
Missing some nads? |
|
The Knack |
Good Girls Don't |
Truth Comes Out |
|
Jean Knight |
Mr. Big Stuff |
Miss Piggy in a Leisure Suit |
|
Kool and the Gang |
Cherish |
Heard at Tipper's Wedding |
|
Lenny Kravitz |
American Woman |
I Hendrix; I Lightweight |
|
|
Are You Gonna Go My Way |
Clay Aiken with soul |
|
|
Fly Away |
No-talent Tango |
|
|
It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over |
Alternative My Ass |
|
LaBelle |
Lady Marmalade (Voulez Vous Couchez Avec Moi, Ce Soir?) |
Disco-Slut Cretin-Bimbo Floozie-Tramp Moron |
|
P. Labelle/M. McDonald |
On My Own |
Insipid 70's Duet |
|
Cyndi Lauper |
Girls Just Want to Have Fun |
VH1's 'Big 80s' |
|
Vicki Lawrence |
The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia |
Makes Cougar Look Exciting |
|
Peggy Lee |
Is That All There Is? |
Weird Uncle Clem |
|
Donna Lewis |
I Love You Always Forever |
Please See Through This Crap |
|
Huey Lewis & the News |
Doing it All for My Baby |
Pre-Hanson |
|
|
Do You Believe in Love? |
Do you believe in nads? |
|
All-Time Dogs |
Heart and Soul |
Bowling-Alley Boogie |
|
|
The Heart of Rock & Roll |
Is a rigged American market |
|
Lightweight. Airbrushed. |
Hip to Be Square |
Huey Should Know |
|
Blow-dried. |
I Want a New Drug |
...to combat mediocrity? |
|
In other words, |
Jacob's Ladder |
Cheesy Biblical Reference |
|
they're the Love Boat |
Perfect World |
...one without Hootie |
|
of '80s pop. |
The Power of Love |
The thrill of marketing... |
|
|
Stuck With You |
..& the agony of isolationism |
|
The 'Roid Boys |
Working for a Living |
Buy that Man a Meisterbrau! |
|
Limp Bizkit |
Break Stuff |
Moron Baiting |
|
|
Nookie |
Backstreet Boys of rap-metal |
|
|
Rollin' |
Limp johnson |
|
Mark Lindsay |
Silver Bird |
Blown Away by the Brits |
|
Linkin Park |
In the End |
Where the sheep likes it |
|
Art Linkletter |
We Love You, Call Collect |
Attempt at Significance |
|
Little River Band |
Cool Change |
Wussies Down Under |
|
|
Lady |
Smells like Lionel Ritchie |
|
|
Lonesome Loser |
Al Bundy on a Bad Day |
|
|
Reminiscing |
Nominee for wurst video ever |
|
Live |
All Over You |
Illiterate Slacker with a Pager |
|
|
Freaks |
Mall-ternative |
|
Foreigner for the 90's |
I Alone |
Isolationist Nation |
|
|
Lightning Crashes |
Illiterate Frat Boy from Hell |
|
LL Cool J |
Doin' It |
Shit-Talk with a Beat |
|
Lobo |
I'd Love You to Want Me |
Post-Cowsills |
|
|
Me and You & a Dog Named Boo |
Animal Abuse |
|
Dave Loggins |
Please Come to Boston |
Post-60's Regression |
|
Kenny Loggins |
Danger Zone |
Cheap Movie Tie-In |
|
|
Footloose |
Screw loose |
|
|
(Love) My Music |
Supermarket Muzak |
|
|
Whenever I Call You Friend |
With friends like you... |
|
Loggins & Messina |
You're Mama Don't Dance (and Your Daddy Don't Rock & Roll) |
Sludge of the 70's |
|
Looking Glass |
Brandy |
Pre-Soft Rock |
|
Loverboy |
Everybody's Working for the Weekend |
Regresso-Rock |
|
Single-handedly expanded |
Hot Girls in Love |
Rosie O'Donnell in Junior High |
|
the meaning of |
The Kid is Hot Tonight |
UPS Driver, Friday Afternoon |
|
rock 'n roll 'roids, not |
Lovin' Every Minute of It |
Vo-Tech Dance Party |
|
to mention 'worthless.' |
Take Me to the Top |
Canadian Cretins |
|
|
Turn Me Loose |
Forklift-Academy Graduation |
|
The Lumineers |
Hey Ho |
'Fun' soundalikes |
|
Lynyrd Skynyrd |
Call Me the Breeze |
..& lay off those beans |
|
|
Gimme Three Steps |
...and pass the Red Man |
|
|
Saturday Night Special |
Dukes-of-Hazard Rock |
|
Confederate Rock, |
That Smell |
Hee-hee-hee-haw-haw! |
|
heard at the Agway. |
What's Your Name? |
...& do you have any Skoal? |
|
|
You Got That Right |
Cougar & Seger are God? |
|
Mary MacGregor |
Torn Between Two Lovers |
Pee Wee Sings to His Hands |
|
Madonna |
Erotica |
Sodom & Gomorrah |
|
(Venereal Girl) |
This Used to Be My Playground |
The Dodgers locker room? |
|
|
Who's That Girl? |
The movie was even worse |
|
Main Ingredient |
Everybody Plays the Fool |
Do the 8-Track Tango |
|
Melissa Manchester |
Don't Cry Out Loud |
Miss Piggy Goes Soft-Rock |
|
|
You Should Hear How She Talks About You |
Holiday Inn Lounge Lizard |
|
Barry Manilow |
Can't Smile Without You |
Post-Welk |
|
|
Copacabana |
..hottest spot in all Montana |
|
|
Could It Be Magic? |
Could it be marketing? |
|
|
Daybreak |
Maybe his worst, & that's bad |
|
Hot stuff.... |
I Made It Through the Rain |
Self-Pity Pop |
|
...in the Catskills |
I Write the Songs |
And twerps buy them |
|
|
Looks Like We Made It |
...to Soft-Rock '93 |
|
|
Mandy |
Blandy |
|
|
New York City Rhythm |
More fun than a stale knish |
|
|
Ready to Take a Chance Again |
Smells Like Bolton |
|
|
Ships (2 Ships Pass in the Night) |
Big Kahuna of Kitsch |
|
Mannfred Mann |
Blinded by the Light |
Do they really say 'douche'? |
|
Marcy Playground |
Sex and Candy |
Corporate Frat Boys |
|
Benny Mardones |
Into the Night |
Chronic Nad Deficiency |
|
Marmalade |
Reflections of My Life |
Do the 8-Track Tango |
|
Martika |
Toy Soldiers |
...get Madonna excited |
|
Ricky Martin |
She Bangs |
And he blows |
|
Wink Martindale |
Deck of Cards |
Pre-Falwell |
|
Richard Marx |
Endless Summer Nights |
Endless String of Schlock |
|
|
Hold On to the Nights |
Soccer Moms in Heat |
|
|
Right Here Waiting for You |
Soccer Moms from Hell |
|
Master P |
Make 'Em Say Uhh |
Candidate for worst 'song' ever |
|
Matchbox 20 |
Back 2 Good |
VH1 Confederate Pop |
|
Even rednecks think |
Push |
Almost a Worst 100 |
|
these guys are redneck. |
3 AM |
Corporate Cattle Call |
|
Dave Matthews Band |
Crash Into Me |
Truth Comes Out |
|
|
Satellite |
Not Ready for Prime Time |
|
Maxi Priest |
I Just Want to be Close to You |
Soft-Rock Sludgepile |
|
John Mayer |
Daughters |
Pretentious as fuck |
|
|
Waiting on the World to Change |
Perils of procrastination |
|
C.W. McCall |
Convoy |
Truckstop Tango |
|
Peter McCann |
Do You Wanna Make Love? |
For 'Best Mix!' Imbeciles |
|
Paul McCartney |
Hope of Deliverance |
UPS driver, snowy day |
|
Marilyn McCoo & Billy Davis Jr. |
You Don't Have to Be a Star, Baby |
Era of the Insipid Duet |
|
Van McCoy |
The Hustle |
Smells Like Travolta |
|
Michael McDonald |
Sweet Freedom |
Movie Tie-Ins Usually Suck |
|
Bobby McFerrin |
Don't Worry, Be Happy |
Pseudo Zen Master |
|
Maureen McGovern |
The Morning After |
Check for a Pulse |
|
Don McLean |
American Pie |
Self-Assumed Litterateur |
|
Meat Loaf |
All Revved Up (& No Place to Go) |
Forklift Stuck in Mud? |
|
|
I'd Do Anything for Love |
Give that man another donut |
|
|
Paradise by the Dashboard Light |
Rent a motel room already |
|
|
Rock & Roll Dreams Come Through |
Where's the beef, porkie? |
|
|
Two Out of Three Ain't Bad |
Attempt at Significance |
|
|
You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth |
...so you could fit more food? |
|
The Meat Puppets |
Backwater |
Meat is Murder |
|
Mel and Tim |
Backfield in Motion |
John Madden's only 45 |
|
Melanie |
Brand New Key |
Pre-Paula Cole |
|
John Cougar Mellencamp |
(see John Cougar) |
God's Gift to Podunk |
|
Sergio Mendes |
Never Gonna Let You Go |
Monica Lewinsky in Action |
|
Natalie Merchant |
Carnival |
Post-80's Regression |
|
|
Jealousy |
Leave Band, Fall Apart |
|
|
Wonder |
More Effective than Sominex |
|
Mercy |
Love Can Make You Happy |
Pre-VH1 / 8-Track Tango |
|
Bette Midler |
From a Distance |
Soft-Rock Station from Hell |
|
|
Wind Beneath My Wings |
Smells Like Trout |
|
Mike & the Mechanics |
All I Need Is a Miracle |
...and a lube job |
|
|
In the Living Years |
Soft-Rock Marketing 101 |
|
|
Silent Running (Can You Hear Me) |
Attempt at Significance |
|
Steve Miller Band |
Abracadabra |
Magic My Ass |
|
|
Fly Like An Eagle |
& do the Forklift Foxtrot |
|
Too weak a band |
Jet Airliner |
Mayday! Mayday! |
|
to survive anywhere |
The Joker |
Self Portrait |
|
but within a |
Jungle Love |
Loading-Dock Rock |
|
closed & rigged |
Rock 'n Me |
Forklift Boogie |
|
American market. |
Space Cowboy (This makes his other crap look good.) |
Ronald-Reagan Rock / |
|
|
Swingtown |
Swing on This |
|
Hot stuff at the Agway |
Take the Money and Run |
You Learn Well |
|
Mr. Big |
To Be With You |
Bobby Sherman for the 90's |
|
Mr. Mister |
Broken Wings |
Broken Nads? |
|
|
Kyrie |
Too Many Misters |
|
Mr. T |
Treat Your Mother Right |
Pre-Will Smith |
|
Joni Mitchell |
Free Man in Paris |
...The Ugly American |
|
|
Help Me |
The Title Says It All |
|
Mocedades |
Eres Tu (Touch the Wind) |
No Tengo Talento |
|
Eddie Money |
Baby Hold On |
Cousin Luigi Likes It |
|
|
The Big Crash |
Drunk Forklift Driver |
|
Ex-Cop Pop |
I Think I'm In Love |
...with a closed U.S. market? |
|
|
I Wanna Go Back |
...to Wood Shop 101? |
|
|
Shakin' |
Pee Wee Alone at the Movies |
|
|
Take Me Home Tonight |
k.d. lang to Ellen DeGeneres? |
|
|
Two Tickets to Paradise |
Front-row seats for the WWF? |
|
|
Walk on Water |
Got a Christ complex? |
|
Alanis Morissette |
Hand in My Pocket |
The other one on fen-phen |
|
|
Ironic |
Viacom Poster Child |
|
Minnie Pearl for the 90's |
You Learn |
That marketing precedes talent |
|
|
You Oughtta Know (Made MTV's Top-50-Ever Alternative list) |
Pre-Puberty Female Mall Rat Shoplifting Training Bras |
|
Motley Crue |
Kickstart My Heart |
I'm Out of Airplane Glue! L |
|
Mouth & McNeal |
How Do You Do? |
Post-60's Regression |
|
Moving Pictures |
What About Me |
What About You? |
|
Maria Muldaur |
Midnight At the Oasis |
Pee Wee at the Late Show |
|
Shawn Mullins |
Lullaby |
Post-Seger/Cougar/Petty |
|
Michael Murphy |
Wildfire |
Planet Tipper |
|
Walter Murphy & the Big Apple Band |
A Fifth of Beethoven |
Leisure Suits & Lava Lamps & CHiPs Reruns |
|
Musique |
(Push Push) In the Bush |
Sodom & Gomorrah |
|
Alannah Myles |
Black Velvet |
Pre-Morrissette |
|
Nazareth |
Love Hurts |
So Do Spandex Pants |
|
Rickie Nelson |
Garden Party |
Sour Grapes |
|
|
Travelin' Man |
Heard at Newt's Frat Party |
|
Randy Newman |
Short People |
Pre-Weird Al |
|
Willie Nelson |
To All the Girls I Loved Before |
Bragging Or Something? |
|
Robbie Nevil |
C'est La Vie |
Brain du Mort |
|
New Kids on the Block |
Hangin' Tough |
Pre-Wallflowers |
|
Wayne Newton |
Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast |
Sedaka Nails Pollyanna |
|
Olivia Newton-John |
Have You Never Been Mellow |
Do the 8-Track Tango |
|
|
Heart Attack |
Al Bundy After 5 Coffees |
|
|
Hopelessly Devoted to You |
Tipper to that shower massage |
|
|
I Honestly Love You |
Olivia Neutron-Bomb |
|
Martha Stewart of Pop |
Let Me Be There |
Barf-Bag Pop |
|
|
(Have to Believe We Are) Magic |
Soft-Rock Hall of Heaves |
|
|
Physical |
Low Point of the 80's |
|
|
Please, Mister, Please |
Pre-Shawn Colvin |
|
|
Sam |
Spam |
|
|
Xanadu (with ELO) |
Pre-Sheryl Corporate Crow |
|
New York City |
I'm Doing Fine Now (Without You, Baby) |
Should've never been allowed to call themselves 'NYC' |
|
Nickleback |
How You Remind Me |
. . . of payola |
|
Maxine Nightingale |
Right Back Where We Started From |
Maalox Moment in D Minor |
|
Night Ranger |
Don't Tell Me You Love Me |
Pre-Verve Pipe |
|
|
Sister Christian |
Pre-Goo Goo Dolls |
|
|
When You Close Your Eyes |
Pre-Smashing Pumpkins |
|
|
You Can Still Rock in America |
Even Without Talent |
|
Leonard Nimoy |
Both Sides Now ('68) |
Doctor Schlock |
|
1910 Fruitgum Company |
1,2,3, Red Light |
They Can Count! |
|
|
Simon Says |
Pre-Stone Temple Pilots |
|
Nirvana |
All Apologies (Unplugged) |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
|
Plagiarists who took |
Aneurism |
Amateur-ism/Isolationism |
|
'80s' by the Killing Joke |
Dive |
Diaper-Rash Mall-ternative |
|
and called it |
Heart-Shaped Box |
Frat Boy from Hell |
|
'Come As You Are' |
In Bloom |
8th-Grade Dance Party |
|
|
Lake of Fire |
Meat Puppet Wanna-Be's |
|
Cutting-Edge My Ass |
Lithium |
Post-80's Regression |
|
|
Rape Me |
Woodstock Theme Song |
|
|
Smells Like Teen Spirit |
Smells Like Payola |
|
The Nixons |
Sister |
They should resign, too |
|
Kenny Nolan |
I Like Dreamin' |
Post-Vinton |
|
Ted Nugent |
Cat Scratch Fever |
Music to Roll Tobacco By |
|
|
Kiss My Ass |
Fox-News Flunkie |
|
Oak Ridge Boys |
Elvira |
Yee-Haw!! |
|
Ocean |
Put Your Hand in the Hand |
Pre-Christian Rock |
|
Billy Ocean |
Get Into My Car |
Young Al to Young Tipper |
|
|
Suddenly |
Pre-Geriatric |
|
|
When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going |
Pissed-off soccer mom after someone cuts off her minivan |
|
Odyssey |
Native New Yorker |
Disco Drek |
|
The Offspring |
Come Out and Play (Keep 'em Separated) |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) / Junior High School Dropout |
|
|
Self Esteem |
Self Abuse |
|
Ohio Express |
Yummy Yummy Yummy |
Crummy Crummy Crummy |
|
The O'Jays |
I Love Music |
Imitation Soul |
|
|
Love Train |
Derailment in C Major |
|
Yoko Ono |
Kiss Kiss Kiss |
Weird Uncle Clem |
|
Tony Orlando & Dawn |
Candida |
Early Anglophobic Market |
|
|
Knock Three Times |
Cousin Luigi in Heat |
|
|
Say, Has Anybody Seen My Sweet Gypsy Rose? |
Sludge of the 70's/Pre-90's |
|
|
Tie a Yellow Ribbon |
Mr.-Rogers Pop |
|
|
Who's in the Strawberry Patch With Sally? |
Exciting as the Foo Fighters |
|
Orleans |
Dance With Me |
Chronic Nad Deficiency |
|
|
You're Still the One |
Tipper to that shower massage |
|
Joan Osborne |
(What if God Was) One of Us |
Attempt at Shock Value |
|
Jeffrey Osbourne |
On the Wings of Love |
Brain Death in D Minor |
|
The Osmond Brothers |
One Bad Apple |
Pre-Fiona |
|
Donny Osmond |
Go Away Little Girl |
Pee Wee's Second 45 |
|
|
Puppy Love |
Sheep are Preferable |
|
|
Soldier of Love |
Pentagon Boogie |
|
|
Sweet and Innocent |
The Way Bill Likes 'Em |
|
Marie Osmond |
Paper Roses |
VH1-Type Country Pop |
|
Donny & Marie Osmond |
Deep Purple |
Revenge of the Mormons |
|
Alan O'Day |
Undercover Angel |
Sludge of the 70's |
|
Gilbert O'Sullivan |
Claire |
Closet Pedophiliac? |
|
Ozark Mtn. Daredevils |
If You Want to Get to Heaven |
Post-60's Regression |
|
|
Jackie Blue |
Mood-Ring Pop |
|
Pattie Page |
(How Much is That) Doggie in the Window? |
Tipper's First Record |
|
Paper Lace |
The Night Chicago Died |
Typical 70's Drek |
|
Ray Parker Jr. |
Ghostbusters |
One of the worst movies ever. |
|
John Parr |
Naughty Naughty |
Cheezie Cheezie |
|
|
St. Elmo's Fire |
Huey Lewis Thinks It's Hip |
|
Alan Parsons Project |
Eye in the Sky |
Closet Voyeurs? |
|
Dolly Parton |
9 to 5 |
Thanks For the Mammories |
|
The Partridge Family |
I Think I Love You |
Pre-Hanson |
|
Pre-Backstreet Boys |
I Woke Up in Love This Morning |
Was it sticky? |
|
Pavement |
Range Life |
Cutting-Edge-My-Ass |
|
For college DJ's who can't |
Shady Lane |
Tiny Tim for the 90's |
|
think for themselves. |
Stereo |
Post-'80s Regression |
|
Johnny Paycheck |
Take This Job and Shove It |
Truckstop Tango |
|
Peaches & Herb |
Reunited |
Fat Postal Clerk Convention |
|
Pearl Jam |
Alive |
Curt Cobain once called Pearl |
|
The favorite band of every |
Better Man |
Jam 'alternative,' so let's drop |
|
Cub Scout in America |
Corduroy |
this myth that Cobain was |
|
|
Daughter |
some kind of visionary |
|
|
Evenflow |
Mall-Rat Isolationist Rock |
|
Eddie Vedder thinks he's |
Hail, Hail |
Alternative My Ass |
|
Jim Morrison or something |
Jeremy |
The age group they target. |
|
|
Last Kiss |
Korporate ass-kissers |
|
Steve Perry |
Foolish Heart |
Does this dude have no pride? |
|
|
Oh Sherry |
For Soft-Rock Losers |
|
Ray Peterson |
Tell Laura I Love Her |
David Geddes' Godfather? |
|
Tom Petty |
American Girl |
...can't find Europe on a map |
|
|
Climb That Hill |
The Confederacy Strikes Back |
|
|
Free Fallin' |
Pre-Matchbox 20 |
|
|
Into the Great Wide Open |
Where you stick your chew? |
|
|
It's Good To Be King |
Royal Redneck |
|
NASCAR Rock, |
I Won't Back Down |
Goes good with grits |
|
sponsored by Skoal |
Mary Jane's Last Dance |
Hang It Up, Billy Jack |
|
|
Out in the Cold |
Hot stuff, in Podunk |
|
|
Rebels |
Hot stuff, in Tulsa |
|
|
You Don't Know How It Feels |
...under that cheezy hat? |
|
Phantom Planet |
California (2002) |
Theme from "The O.C." |
|
Phish |
Bouncing 'Round the Room |
Just groovy, man |
|
Pilot |
(Oh, Oh, Oh, It's) Magic |
The shower massage works! |
|
Plain White T's |
Hey There, Delilah ('07) |
Soft rock for soft minds |
|
Player |
Baby Come Back |
...to the trailer park |
|
Poe |
Angry Johnny |
Attempt at Shock Value / MTV |
|
Poison |
Every Rose Has Its Thorn |
Cheesy Hair-Metal Metaphor; |
|
|
Fallen Angel |
Groupie Bait |
|
The Poppy Family |
Which Way You Goin', Billy? |
Future VH1 Icons |
|
Presidents of the USA |
Lump |
Impeachable offense |
|
|
Peaches |
Leeches |
|
Elvis Presley |
Are You Lonesome, Tonight? |
Pee Wee with a broken hand |
|
Primus |
Jerry Was a Racecar Driver |
Hyper-pretentious video |
|
|
My Name is Mud |
Assholus Flamolus |
|
Prince |
Kiss |
Sodom & Gomorrah |
|
|
1999 |
Assinine Lyrics |
|
The Proclaimers |
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) |
Pocket-Protector Pop |
|
Quarterflash |
Harden My Heart |
Al Bundy on a Bad Day |
|
Queen |
Another One Bites the Dust |
This one just bites |
|
|
Fat Bottomed Girls |
Attempt at Humor |
|
|
Radio Ga Ga |
Radio Ka-Ka |
|
Quicksand |
Dine Alone |
Illiterate Post-Grunge Slacker |
|
Quiet Riot |
Cum On, Feel the Noise |
Cum on, sniff the glue |
|
Eddie Rabbit |
I Love a Rainy Night |
Heard on Radio Walmart |
|
Rage Against the Machine |
Bulls on Parade |
We're Tough Guys |
|
|
People of the Sun |
Illiterate Slacker with a Pager |
|
Gerry Rafferty |
Right Down the Line |
Pre-Duncan Sheik |
|
Rainbow |
Stone Cold |
Spinal Tap impostors |
|
|
Street of Dreams |
Loading-Dock Rock |
|
Ram Jam |
Black Betty |
Where's My Bowling Bag? |
|
The Raspberries |
Go All the Way |
..to the East Room, Monica |
|
Redbone |
Come and Get Your Love |
Newt's First Stiffy |
|
Helen Reddy |
Angie Baby |
Pre-Sarah McLachlan |
|
Pre-Jewel, minus |
Delta Dawn |
Pre-VH1 Country Pop |
|
the cheesy |
I Am Woman |
Pre-Morrissette |
|
book of poetry. |
Ruby Red Dress |
Probably her worst |
|
|
You and Me Against the World |
Sedaka Paranoia |
|
Red Hot Chili Peppers |
Aeroplane |
Post-80's Regression |
|
If you were under any |
Breaking the Girl |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
|
delusion these guys |
Californication |
Corporate Masturbation |
|
are 'alternative,' then |
Give It Away |
Frat Boy from Hell |
|
"Love Rollercoaster" |
Love Rollercoaster |
Free barf-bag included |
|
should put the matter |
Snow (Hey Oh) |
Red Hot Chili Poseurs |
|
to rest. |
Soul to Squeeze |
Wheat-Belt 'Alternative' |
|
|
Suck My Kiss Songs like this can putDog Chow out of business. |
One of the worst songs ever recorded by anyone. Ever. |
|
|
Under the Bridge |
Marketing yes. Substance no. |
|
Reel Big Fish |
Sell Out |
Ska for Frat Boys |
|
REM |
Shiny Happy People |
Highly overrated group |
|
The Rembrandts |
I'll Be There for You |
...at the VH1 studios |
|
|
Just the Way It Is, Baby |
Post-80's Regression |
|
REO Speedwagon |
Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
It's pretty nice when |
Don't Let Her Go |
Meisterbrau Pop |
|
a closed U.S. market |
Keep on Loving You |
Blown Away by the Brits |
|
protects you from |
Riding the Storm Out |
Forklift Driver, Overcast Day |
|
any real competition in |
Roll With the Changes |
Postal Clerk About to be Fired |
|
the form of talented |
Take It On the Run |
Take It Up the Ass |
|
British performers. |
Time for Me to Fly |
Tipper Spots the Stiffy J |
|
The Righteous Brothers |
Rock and Roll Heaven |
Should've Retired by Then |
|
Jeannie C. Riley |
Harper Valley PTA |
Target audience of VH1? |
|
Minnie Ripperton |
Loving You |
Pre-Tiffany / Pre-Jewel |
|
Lionel Ritchie |
All Night Long |
Nympho Soccer-Mom |
|
|
Dancing on the Ceiling |
Tipper after too many highballs |
|
|
Hello |
Call the firing squad |
|
|
Lady |
Attempt at Romance |
|
|
Say You, Say Me |
Say Cheese |
|
|
Truly |
Truly Pre-Geriatric |
|
|
You Are |
And You are shameless |
|
Johnny Rivers |
Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu |
Billy Jack on the Town |
|
Vicki Sue Robinson |
Turn the Beat Around |
Turn the sheep around |
|
Tommy Roe |
Sweet Pea |
Blown Away by the Brits |
|
Kenny Rogers |
Coward of the County |
Pandering to Podunk |
|
|
Lady |
Kenny knows better, but |
|
|
Through the Years |
there's money in schlock. |
|
Rolling Stones |
Beast of Burden |
Another word for 'ass'? |
|
|
Miss You |
...as well as the alimony |
|
Still the 2nd greatest ever |
Shattered |
Shadow of former selves |
|
|
She's So Cold |
But so's the Meisterbrau! |
|
Rose Garden |
Next Plane to London |
Take John Cougar with you |
|
Diana Ross |
Do You Know Where You're Going To? |
..to Soft-Rock Hall of Heaves |
|
|
Upside Down |
Burned Out |
|
Rose Royce |
Car Wash |
From a horrible movie |
|
Rossington Collins Band |
Don't Misunderstand Me |
... for real Southern rock |
|
David Lee Roth |
California Girls |
UPS Driver on the Prowl |
|
|
Don't Piss Me Off |
Let's deport this twit |
|
|
Easy Street |
Sure is, the market's rigged |
|
The 'Roid of 'Roids |
Just a Gigolo |
UPS Driver With a Big Stiffy |
|
|
Just Like Paradise |
..when your career ended |
|
|
That's Life |
That's Pathetic |
|
|
Yankee Rose |
In the Worst 100 |
|
Rufus |
Tell Me Something Good |
Goofus |
|
Todd Rundgren |
Hello, It's Me |
Era of the Sensitive Male |
|
|
I Saw the Light |
That's Debatable |
|
|
We Gotta Get You Woman |
Not in Pee Wee's collection |
|
RuPaul |
Supermodel |
In the Worst 100 |
|
Rush |
Closer to the Heart |
Outclassed by the Brits |
|
|
Fly By Night |
Need a surface-to-air missile |
|
|
Limelight |
A decade behind the times |
|
|
Test For Echo |
Hang It Up Already |
|
|
Tom Sawyer |
FDA-Approved Classic Rock |
|
Leon Russell |
Tight Rope |
A noose would suit you well |
|
Sergeant Barry Sadler |
The Ballad of the Green Berets |
Attempt at Significance |
|
Saga |
On the Loose |
Staple of 80's Schlock-Rock |
|
|
Wind Him Up |
Canadian Styx |
|
Adam Sandler |
The Lonesome Kicker |
Attempt at humor; |
|
Sanford Townsend Band |
Smoke from a Distant Fire |
Soccer-Mom Serenade |
|
Santana (w/ Chad Kroeger) |
Into the Night ('07) |
Stench of Nickelback |
|
Santana (w/ Rob Thomas) |
Smooth ('99) |
Stench of Matchbox 20 |
|
Leo Sayer |
Long Tall Glasses (I Can Dance) |
Weird Uncle Clem |
|
|
When I Need You |
Sludge of the 70's |
|
|
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing |
..in a pink leisure suit |
|
Scandal |
Goodbye to You |
Goodbye to you |
|
|
The Warrior |
Bimbo with an Attitude |
|
Seals & Crofts |
Diamond Girl |
Post-60's Regression |
|
|
Get Closer |
Total wuss, rhymes w/ puss |
|
|
Hummingbird |
Monica's Code Name? |
|
|
Summer Breeze |
Pre-Jewel |
|
Sebadoh |
Rebound |
Typical boring American indie |
|
Neil Sedaka |
Breaking Up is Hard to Do |
Gonadically Challenged |
|
|
Calendar Girl |
Why we needed The Beatles |
|
|
Happy Birthday Sweet 16 |
Pre-VH1 |
|
|
Laughter in the Rain |
Wuss-Wimp-Whoof |
|
|
Next Door to an Angel |
Pop Liberace |
|
Bob Seger |
Against the Wind |
Break Like the Wind |
|
* The Dog of Dogs |
Beautiful Loser |
Pass the Grits, Gomer |
|
|
Betty Lou's Gettin' Out Tonight |
Truckstop Tango |
|
|
Feel Like a Number |
And I sound like Podunk |
|
|
Fire Lake |
Burned Out Bore |
|
|
Get Out of Denver |
Homeboy gets down |
|
Soaring to new heights of |
The Fire Down Below |
Tractor-Pull Tango |
|
unparalleled mediocrity. |
Her Strut |
Mel's Monster-Truck Madness |
|
|
Hollywood Nights |
Bowling-Bag Boogie |
|
|
Horizontal Bop |
Where's My Skoal, Barney? |
|
A career built upon |
Katmandu |
Cheyenne Shuffle |
|
affirmative action for |
Like a Rock |
All his songs are virtually the |
|
two-bit country rockers. |
Main Street |
same, with slight variations. |
|
|
Night Moves |
For rednex w/ green teeth |
|
|
Nine Tonight |
Pre-Matchbox 20 |
|
|
Old Time Rock & Roll |
Billy Jack, after 5 Meisterbraus |
|
|
Ramblin' Gamblin' Man |
Saturday Night Barndance |
|
This home-boy never |
Rock 'n Roll Never Forgets |
Do the backhoe boogie |
|
had any business |
Shakedown |
Let's Go Cow-Tipping! |
|
showing up on |
Shame on the Moon |
Here I Come, Branson |
|
U.S. rock stations. |
Still the Same |
I Rule This Trailer Park, Baby |
|
|
Sunspot Baby |
Don't Forget the Red-Man |
|
|
Tryin' to Live My Life w/o You |
Affirmative-action Flunkie |
|
|
Turn the Page |
Why do 2nd-rate dullards |
|
Pre-Shania, |
Understanding |
insist on singing about |
|
Post-Boxcar Willie |
We've Got Tonight |
life on the road? |
|
|
You'll Accomp'ny Me |
..to the grain silo, hay-yupp! |
|
Michael Sembello |
She's a Maniac |
Why Monica got the job |
|
Semisonic |
Closing Time |
Corporate-Puppet Pop |
|
The Shaggs |
My Pal Foot Foot |
Pre-VH1's 'Women First!' |
|
William Shatner |
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds |
Wookie on Acid |
|
Duncan Sheik |
Barely Breathing |
VH1 wuss, rhymes with puss |
|
Bobby Sherman |
Easy Come, Easy Go |
He's Got That Right |
|
|
Hey Little Woman |
Pre-Puberty / Post-Pat Boone |
|
|
Julie Do You Love Me? |
Pre-Backstreet Boys |
|
Silverchair |
Freak |
One-Style Wonders |
|
|
Tomorrow |
More fun than silverfish |
|
Silver Convention |
Fly Robin Fly |
Disco-Cretin Cokehead |
|
Simon & Garfunkle |
Cecilia |
Burned Out |
|
Carly Simon |
Nobody Does It Better |
Hanging out with James Taylor too long |
|
|
You're So Vain |
Personal Agenda |
|
Paul Simon |
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover |
Self-Assumed Litterateur |
|
|
Kodachrome |
Say "Cheese!" |
|
|
Loves Me Like a Rock |
Washed-up bore |
|
|
Mother and Child Reunion |
Attempt at Significance |
|
|
You Can Call Me Al |
Beating a dead horse |
|
Sir Mix-a-Lot |
Baby Got Back |
Attempt at T&A Humor |
|
Sister Hazel |
All for You |
Merle Haggard for the 90's |
|
Sister Sledge |
We Are Family |
Sister Sludge |
|
Skid Row |
18 & Life |
Glue Sniffers in Spandex |
|
|
I Remember You |
After all that glue? |
|
Slaughter |
Fly to the Angels |
Live! At the Podunk Arena! |
|
|
Up All Night |
..chasing pre-teen nymphos |
|
Millie Small |
My Boy Lollipop |
Bill's Code Name, to Monica |
|
The Smashing Bores |
Tonight, Tonight |
Sounds like a whining baby |
|
Hurricane Smith |
Oh Babe, What Would You Say |
Federal Disaster Area |
|
Will Smith |
Freakin' It |
Hair Metal for the 'Hood |
|
David Lee Roth for the 90's |
Just Cruisin' |
Image, yes. Substance, no. |
|
|
Miami |
Almost a Worst 100 |
|
Phoebe Snow |
Poetry Man |
Pre-Jewel |
|
Sonic-but-Boring Youth |
Bull in the Heather |
They're so cool it hurts |
|
|
Kool Thing |
Corporate-Driven No-Wave |
|
|
Teen Age Riot |
Self-Assumed Artistes |
|
Soul Asylum |
Black Gold |
Post-80's Regression |
|
David Soul |
Don't Give Up On Us, Baby |
Post-Carpenters |
|
Soundgarden |
Black Hole Sun |
For Junior-High Mall Rats |
|
Heart for the 90's |
Outshined |
Well put |
|
|
Pretty Noose |
Played on "Alternative" Nation |
|
|
Spoonman |
Trailer-Park "Modern" Rock |
|
The Spin Doctors |
Little Miss Can't Be Wrong |
Post-80's Regression |
|
Did they lift the name from Ireland's talented Saw Doctors? |
Two Princes |
Affirmative Action |
|
The Spinners |
Could It Be I'm Falling In Love |
Tipper, upon learning the shower massage really gets the job done |
|
|
Games People Play |
Corporate Soul |
|
|
One of a Kind (Love Affair) |
Leisure-Suit Soul |
|
|
Rubberband Man |
Released after their star faded |
|
The Spiral Staircase |
I Love You More Today Than Yesterday |
Insipid Studio Band |
|
Rick Springfield |
Affair of the Heart |
Seen on VH1 |
|
|
Don't Talk to Strangers |
And don't sing to us |
|
|
I've Done Everything for You |
Stick to soap operas |
|
|
Jessie's Girl |
Trailer-Park Tango |
|
Squeeze |
Tempted |
Esperanto |
|
Billy Squier |
Everybody Wants You |
Profiled on VH1 |
|
|
The Stroke |
Not a magician with language |
|
Jim Stafford |
(I Don't Like) Spiders & Snakes |
Pass the Grits, Hank! |
|
|
My Girl Bill |
It is true about Hillary! |
|
Frank Stallone |
Far From Over |
Nepotism (Sylvester's brother) |
|
The Stampeders |
Sweet City Woman |
Post-60's Regression |
|
Starbuck |
Moonlight Feels Right |
One-Hit Blunder |
|
Starland Vocal Band |
Afternoon Delight |
Repressed Sexual Fantasy |
|
Ringo Starr |
Back Off, Boogaloo |
Name Exploitation |
|
Ringo has earned God- |
It Don't Come Easy |
Post-60's Regression |
|
like status, but you have |
The No-No Song |
Nyet Nyet |
|
to call a spade a spade. |
You're Sixteen |
Questionable Cover |
|
Stealers Wheel |
Stuck in the Middle With You |
Should've used Vaseline |
|
Steely Dan |
Black Friday |
Post-60's Regression |
|
* All-Time Dogs |
Deacon Blues |
Bore-O-Rama |
|
|
Doctor Wu |
Lava-Lamp Rock |
|
|
Do It Again |
Makes Gore look exciting |
|
Single-handedly embodies |
Don't Take Me Alive |
We wouldn't dream of it |
|
all that was wrong |
FM |
Go bother AM |
|
with the 1970's. |
Hey 19 |
Starsky-and-Hutch Rock |
|
|
My Old School |
Old School, that's for sure |
|
|
Peg |
Who needs Sominex? |
|
|
Reelin' In the Years |
Horrendous lyrics |
|
|
Rikki Don't Lose That Number |
Pre-90's Regression |
|
Cat Stephens |
Moonshadow |
Eclipsed by the Brits |
|
A good friend |
Morning Has Broken |
Era of the Sensitive Male |
|
of Salman Rushdie. |
Oh Very Young |
Self-Assumed Litterateur |
|
|
Peace Train |
Just groovy, man |
|
Ray Stevens |
Everything is Beautiful |
Attempt at Significance |
|
Actually a talented guy |
The Streak |
Cheezy Novelty |
|
B.W. Stevenson |
My Maria |
Pre-VH1 Country Pop |
|
Al Stewart |
Time Passages |
Al Waxes Philosophical |
|
Rod Stewart |
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? |
Do You Know I'm 50? |
| An All-Time Dog |
Have I Told You That I Love You? |
Throw Your Panties At Me . . |
|
|
Hot Legs |
. . . and your training bra |
|
Let's hope he |
Infatuation |
Clinton, with suction devices |
|
someday again |
Love Touch |
Sludge Touch |
|
uses that voice |
Maggie May |
Overplayed to the Gills |
|
for productive purposes. |
Passion |
Wrap That Rascal |
|
|
Some Guys Have All the Luck |
..& all the amphetamines, too |
|
|
Tonight's the Night |
Tomorrow: Herpes |
|
|
You're In My Heart |
Soft-Rock Hall of Heaves |
|
Stone Temple Pilots |
Big Empty |
Glue-Sniffer/Mall Rat/Gag Me |
|
(4 out of 5 eighth-graders |
Creep |
MTV / Post-80's Regression |
|
surveyed recommend |
Interstate Love Song |
Pre-Frat Boy from Hell |
|
STP to their friends.) |
Plush |
Check for Diaper Rash |
|
|
Sex Type Thing |
Pampers-Type Thang |
|
The Stories |
Brother Louie |
Post-60's Regression |
|
The Stylistics |
Betcha By Golly Wow |
Matchbox 20's total vocabulary |
|
These guys make |
Break Up to Make Up |
Leisure Suit, w/ Heave Stains |
|
listening to oldies |
I'm Stone In Love With You |
Self-Assumed Wordsmiths |
|
stations a miserable |
Rock and Roll Baby |
Sedaka Soul |
|
experience. |
You are Everything (And Everything Is You) |
Sludge of the 70's |
|
|
You Make Me Feel Brand New |
Leisure Suit (Bright Red) |
|
Styx |
Babe |
UPS Driver Checking Out Chix |
|
|
Blue Collar Man (Long Nights) |
Security Guard, Third Shift |
|
|
Come Sail Away |
Daydreaming Forklift Operator |
|
Can someone explain |
Foolin' Yourself |
Angry Young Forklift Operator |
|
why U.S. 'rock' stations |
The Grand Illusion |
My forklift runs on Meisterbrau |
|
slobbered over Styx |
Lady |
Wouldn't survive a free market |
|
but never once |
Light Up |
Classic rock? Classic crock |
|
played The Cure? |
Lorelei |
My Forklift Can Fly |
|
|
Mr. Roboto |
Japanese Forklift Operator |
|
Talk about a closed, |
Renegade |
I'm In Charge of This Forklift |
|
isolationist market. |
Rockin' the Paradise |
Blown Away by 80's Brits |
|
|
Show Me the Way |
Forklift driver lost his map |
|
|
Suite Madame Blue |
Oh What a Double Entendre |
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Too Much Time on My Hands |
... and not enough gism |
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Sugarloaf |
Don't Call Us, We'll Call You |
Good advice for Styx |
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Sugar Ray |
Someday |
For brain-dead '90s' stations |
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Donna Summer |
She Works Hard for the Money |
Mayflower-Madame Pop |
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Survivor |
Burning Heart |
Acid reflux |
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Eye of the Tiger |
Sylvester Stallone lackeys |
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Some of the worst |
High on You |
Exciting stuff...in Montana |
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pop of the 80's. |
I Can't Hold Back |
Premature ejaculators? |
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The Search is Over |
So's their career, thank God |
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Billy Swan |
I Can Help |
Clueless Tobacco Chewer |
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Patrick Swayze |
She's Like the Wind |
Soccer-Mom w/ New Minivan |
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Sweet |
Ballroom Blitz |
Junior-College Frat Boy |
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Fox on the Run |
High art, in Podunk |
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Little Willy |
Bill's schlong, to Monica |
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Love is Like Oxygen |
Masters of Metaphor |
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Matthew Sweet |
Girlfriend |
College Pseudo-Alternative |
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Norma Tanega |
Walking My Cat Named Dog |
That's one ugly pussy |
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A Taste of Honey |
Boogie Oogie Oogie |
Profound Lyrics |
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Tavares |
Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel |
And you're missing 2 nads |
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R. Dean Taylor |
Indiana Wants Me |
No one else does |
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James Taylor |
Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight |
Soft-Rock 'Roids |
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* An All-Time Dog |
Everyday |
Clever title, Jimmy boy |
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Handy Man |
Pee Wee, at the drive-in |
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This guy is a bona-fide |
How Sweet It is (To Be Loved By You) |
Who Crop-Dusted the Room? |
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one-man cheese factory. |
Mexico |
Promise to stay there? |
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(You Are My) Only One |
Sedaka-Rama |
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Shower the People |
Post-60's Regression |
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VH1 Story-teller |
Up On the Roof |
Newt in Heat |
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Your Smiling Face |
A Case for Deportation |
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You've Got a Friend |
Solitude has its Merits |
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Tee Set |
Ma Belle Amie |
Beatles Knock-off |
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Temple of the Dog |
Hunger Strike |
Talent Strike / MTV |
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10 CC |
The Things We Do For Love |
If Pee Wee's hands could talk |
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10,000 Maniacs |
Because the Night (Unplugged) |
Speaking of un-plugged, what's Natalie been doing lately? |
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Candy Everybody Wants |
Horrible Title |
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Trouble Me |
Check for a Pulse |
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They Might Be Giants |
Birdhouse in Your Soul |
They Might be Musicians |
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Particle Man |
Dr. Demento Filler Material |
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Thin Lizzie |
The Boys are Back in Town |
..from the Aerosmith concert? |
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Jailbreak |
Pre-Sister Hazel |
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Third Eye Blind |
Jumper |
If they're any good, why are they on VH1? |
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.38 Special |
Back Where You Belong |
...selling Skoal at 7/11? |
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Featuring the cheesiest |
Hold On Loosely |
Billy-Jack Rock |
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hat in country rock. |
So Caught Up in You |
Where's My NRA Sticker? |
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B.J. Thomas |
Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song |
Self-Appointed Wordsmith |
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Eyes of a New York Woman |
Self-Assumed Litterateur |
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Hooked on a Feeling |
As fun as Hooked on Phonics |
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Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head |
It's bird-shit, you moron |
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Rock and Roll Lullaby |
Covered-by-Welk |
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Sue Thompson |
Norman |
As exciting as Schwarzkopf |
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George Thorogood |
Bad to the Bone |
Drinking and Forklift Driving |
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Move It On Over |
Truckstop Tango |
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Three Dog Night |
Black and White |
Blown Away by the Brits |
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Celebrate |
Obliterated by the Brits |
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Aptly named |
Easy to be Hard |
Humiliated by the Brits |
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Joy to the World |
Outclassed by the Brits |
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Just an Old-Fashioned Love Song |
Outsmarted by the Brits |
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Pre-Third Eye Blind |
The Show Must Go On |
Says who, your agent? |
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Never Been to Spain |
You can go, if you stay |
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Shambala |
Pre-Wallflowers |
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311 |
Down |
For Dumphux on Snowboards |
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Love Song |
Worst cover ever? |
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Tiffany |
I Think We're Alone Now |
Half-Ass Cover |
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Tiny Tim |
Tip-Toe Through the Tulips |
"Pavement" for the 60's |
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Toad the Wet Sprocket |
Come Down |
VH1 'Crossroads' |
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Walk on the Ocean |
VH1 alterno-poseurs |
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The Tokens |
The Lion Sleeps Tonight |
Not Worth Classifying |
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Tonic |
If You Could Only See |
Blind leading deaf |
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Toto |
I'll Be Over You |
Oprah Bought It |
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John Travolta |
Let Her In |
Smells Like Bobby Sherman |
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Tripping Daisy |
I Got a Girl |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
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The Tubes |
She's a Beauty |
Third-Rate New Wave |
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Shania Twain |
You're Still the One |
Indian My Ass |
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Bonnie Tyler |
Holding Out for a Hero |
Candidate for Worst 100 |
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Total Eclipse of the Heart |
Work on those metaphors |
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The Tymes |
You Little Trustmaker |
Sludge of the '70s |
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Ugly Kid Joe |
Everything About You |
80's Glue Sniffer |
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Urge Overkill |
Sister Havana |
AMA / Pseudo-Alternative |
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USA for Africa |
We Are the World |
USA for Isolationism |
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Frankie Valli |
Grease |
Burned Out |
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My Eyes Adored You |
Leisure Suit (Pastel Yellow) |
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Swearin' to God (w/ 4 Seasons) |
Smells Like Jersey City |
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Gino Vanelli |
I Just Wanna Stop |
Soccer-Mom Soft Rock |
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Van Halen |
Can't Stop Lovin' You |
Vo-Tech Tango |
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Uniquely incapable |
Jump |
Rhymes with Chump |
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of tackling |
Right Now |
Musical Ken-L-Ration |
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intelligent themes. |
When It's Love |
This is Rock? |
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Vanilla Ice |
Ice Ice Baby |
Thank God He's Gone |
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Vanity Fair |
Hitchin' a Ride |
Post-60's Regression |
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Randy Vanwarmer |
(You Left Me) Just When I Needed You Most |
Soft-Rock Landfill / Attempt at a Half-Ass Tearjerker |
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Eddie Vedder |
Far Behind |
Pearl Jam lackey |
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Bobby Vee |
Run to Him |
Pre-Backstreet Boys |
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Take Good Care of My Baby |
Bigger wuss than Sedaka |
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Suzanne Vega |
Blood Makes Noise |
Oh what vocal range |
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She talks because |
99.9 (Fahrenheit Degrees) |
College Radio Hall of Heaves |
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she can't sing. |
Tom's Diner |
...serves lots of cheese |
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Billy Vera & the Beaters |
At This Moment (The standard by which all cheese is measured.) |
That absurd song from |
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Vertical Horizon |
Everything You Want |
VH1 Lackeys |
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The Verve Pipe |
The Freshmen |
Archies of grunge/juvenalia |
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The Village People |
In the Navy |
Weird Uncle Clem |
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Macho Man |
Postal Clerk Pumping Iron |
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San Francisco |
Cousin Luigi Sings It |
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YMCA |
Where Uncle Clem Lives |
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Bobby Vinton |
Blue on Blue |
Blue's Clueless |
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Blue Velvet |
Bleu Cheese |
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I Love How You Love Me |
Shania Twain, to VH1 |
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Mr. Lonely |
Whose fault is that? |
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My Melody of Love |
No-Nad Hall of Fame |
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Roses are Red |
Pre-VH1 |
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There, I've Said It Again |
Thank God for The Beatles |
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Wadsworth Mansion |
Sweet Mary |
Monica got her wad's worth |
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Jack Wagner |
All I Need |
...is a couple more nads |
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John Waite |
Change |
...your diaper? |
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Missing You |
Missing some testoserone? |
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The Waitresses |
I Know What Boys Like |
...girlfriends like Monica |
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The Wallflowers |
The Difference |
Archies of Modern Rock |
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Heroes |
The Spice Boys desecrate a classic |
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The best music that |
One Headlight |
I, Jakob. I Liteweight. |
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market research could |
6th Avenue Heartache |
Nepotism/Viacom-munism |
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ever hope to buy. |
Three Marlenas |
Illiterate Post-Grunge Goatee / Post-New Kids on the Block |
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When You're On Top |
Payola's not far away |
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Joe Walsh |
All Night Long |
3rd-Shift Forklift Operator |
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Life's Been Good (To Me So Far) |
Forklift without a scratch |
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Confederate Rock |
Rocky Mountain Way |
Say Hi to Boxcar Willie |
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Warrant |
Cherry Pie |
Groupie-Slut Arena Rock |
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Down Boys |
Juvenile-Delinquent Rock |
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Heaven |
Hair-Metal Meatheads |
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Sometimes She Cries |
Arrested development |
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Dionne Warwick |
Love Power |
Almost a "Worst 100" |
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Ween |
Push Th' Little Daisies |
AMA (Alternative My Ass) |
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Weezer |
Buddy Holly |
AMA / Corporate Puppets? |
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El Scorcho |
College Pseudo-Alternative |
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Night Ranger for the 90's |
Say It Ain't So |
Frat Boy from Hell |
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Undone (The Sweater Song) |
College Radio Hall of Heaves |
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White Lion |
Wait |
Hair-metal = pre-grunge |
|
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When the Children Cry |
(and just as opportunistic) |
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White Plains |
My Baby Loves Lovin' |
She works in the East Room? |
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Whitesnake |
Here I Go Again |
Macho Power Ballad |
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Is This Love |
Cucumber-in-my-Pants Rock |
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The White Stripes |
Icky Thump |
2008 Grammy winner |
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The Who |
Athena |
Burned Out |
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Squeezebox |
Attempt at career resuscitation |
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Wild Cherry |
Play That Funky Music (White Boy) |
Pre-LL Cool J |
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Matthew Wilder |
(Ain't Nothin' Gonna) Break My Stride |
Postal Clerk Listening To A "Best Mix!" Soft-Rock Station |
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Deniece Williams |
Let's Hear It For the Boy |
Cretin-Bimbo Slut-Pop |
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Vanessa Williams |
Dreamin' |
Cheesy Marketing 101 |
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Save the Best for Last |
Soft-Rock Formula Song |
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Bruce Willis |
Respect Yourself |
Kitsch Hall of Fame |
|
Wilson Phillips |
You're in Love |
& you're fat, so we're even |
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Winger |
Can't Get Enuff |
Can't Pass Postal Exam |
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Headed for a Heartbreak |
MTV Loved 'Em |
|
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Seventeen |
Their Approximate I.Q. |
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Wings |
Silly Love Songs |
Even Gods Burn Out |
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The Winstons |
Color Him Father |
Self-Appointed Wordsmiths |
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Edgar Winter Group |
Free Ride |
Mindless Classic Rock |
|
Bill Withers |
Ain't No Sunshine (When She's Gone) |
PSR Boredom - some of the worst lyrics of the 70's |
|
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Lean on Me |
Granola-Bar Soft Rock |
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Peter Wolf |
Lights Out |
A Decade Behind the Times |
|
Stevie Wonder |
I Just Called to Say I Love You |
Postal Clerk with a Stiffy |
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Gary Wright |
Dream Weaver |
Soft-Rock Archives |
|
Paul Young |
Every Time You Go Away |
Soft-Rock 'Roids |
|
The Youngbloods |
Get Together |
Too Long |
|
Zager & Evans |
In the Year 2525 |
Pre-Steve Miller |
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ZZ Top |
Tube Snake Boogie |
Take off those hats! |